Tuesday, October 8, 2019

October Horror Challenge 2019 #29: "Crocodylus"




Ah, the joys of nature gone amok movies. I totally thought this movie had some made up dumb ass title ("sharktopus," anyone?) but it turns out that "crocodylus" is a real life scientific term. Who'd'a thunk it? Much like "Alligator" in the 80s, but with crocodiles, this movie features a small town plagued by amphibians chowing down on people. In this case, these are extra pissed off amphibians, because remains of a prehistoric creature were discovered in the area around this lake, and an ancient tribal seal was broken (guys, stop doing that!) So the murders are coming from an ancient creature, and not your regular crocodile.

Like in most of these movies,  the cops in the small town don't want to cause a panic (though I don't really understand that, in this case it would just keep people out of the water, which would be s good thing and stop anyone else from getting eaten, but nobody asked me,  I guess). Soon there's another disappearance and cops are searching for a missing kid when they find something gruesome and terrible.

The acting in this movie isn't great, but I guess I've seen worse. It's kind of annoying how the scientists in the area are just stoked about their cool find and not upset about the idea of a prehistoric crocodile chomping down on people. There's some cool gore, and the movie is so short it shouldn't have a chance to overstay its welcome, so it's weird how it manages to drag so much. That takes talent.

In the end, this movie was mostly just underwhelming. And some of the dialogue is just horrible. "You don't know shit about the ttuth!" The low-rent cousin to "You can't handle the truth!" Also 54345% less awesome because it's not spoken by Jack Nicholson. Plus how are these plot twists so asinine? There's a scientist who performed experiments because crocodiles never get cancer, so he thought he could...what, cure cancer with a giant mutant reptile? In what world does that even make sense? How do you go from curing cancer to cloning a giant crocodile that escapes and eats people? And why haven't you even tried to warn people so they don't get eaten? And why do all these actors sound like they're reading lines in fifth grade literature class? Oh so many things for me to wonder. "Why the hell did I watch this movie?" should probably be at the top of that list. It's too late for me! Save yourself! Watch something else.

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