Wednesday, September 26, 2012

"77 Shadow Street" by Dean Koontz

Before this blog is taken over by horror movie reviews for the Halloween horror fest, I'd like to direct your attention to a newer phenomenon, the "book trailer," in this case a preview of the book "77 shadow Street" by Dean Koontz. Yep, trailers for books just like trailers for movies (except this trailer doesn't give away the whole plot of the book like too many trailers for movies these days). I've loved Dean Koontz books since I was a kid, and this one looks creepy, so I'll be checking it out this October. How about you?

Pick up a copy of the book here:

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Agatha Christie's "The Mirror Crack'd"

I love Agatha Christie. Her mysteries were totally bizarre, with creepy twists and twisted turns that left me reeling, and so I wanted to check this movie out because of that, even before I learned that practically everyone in the cast was a well-known star. Angela Lansbury plays Miss Marple, the old lady who notices every detail and solves every crime she encounters, so the cops in her town don't have to do much but come over for tea and sit back and let her do all the work. Elizabeth Taylor, Tony Curtis, Rock Hudson, and a score of other well-known actors also populate this tale of a rivalry between two old-time movie actresses that turns deadly after a cast party where a woman dies after sipping a glass of poison that was meant for one of the actresses instead. The movie is pretty twisted, like I hoped it would be, and though I guessed who the killer was, I didn't guess the motivation behind the killing, and it's a doozy. The movie actually winds up being kind of melancholy and tragic in the end, which is something Christie did well. It's not for everyone, but fans of Christie's books and fans of shows like "Murder, She Wrote" will probably enjoy it as much as I did.


I am obsessed with killer scarecrow movies, so I must watch them all. I was thus excited to see this movie. When the movie started I was like "wow, those scarecrows look creepy and cool," and then after about 20 minutes, I was like "damn, this is the worst movie ever made." After about a half hour though, the movie picks up speed, and it turns out to be pretty cool. It's short, so it never overstays its welcome, and there's lots of cool gore to keep you entertained if that's your thing. Plus, killer scarecrows, dude.


I actually really enjoyed this movie. Now, I watched it right after viewing "Nightmares," so honestly, a test pattern would have looked awesome compared to that, but even though the framing story (the two dildobrained guys who steal some movies from a store and then go over to a girlfriend's house to watch them, thus setting up the three short movies in this 'anthology') is kind of iffy, the three little movies were actually pretty good. The first movie is about an eccentric old man who is perhaps too attached to his collection of puppets, or so say his nagging wife and asshole stepson. When an act of violence causes the already off-kilter old man to go even farther over the edge, some creepy things happen. I dug it. The second story was probably the best of the three. A woman moves into a new house with her husband and she starts having murderous visions. The movie actually went for a twist I didn't see coming with this one, so kudos for that. The third story is admittedly dumb, but who can argue with killer lawn gnomes? I mean seriously? This isn't a cinematic masterpiece or anything, but it was a fun way to kill an hour and a half.


This is a case where the cover of the movie looks so cool that it lures in unsuspecting victims who then have to watch the crappy movie inside. No fair. The acting is terrible, but I can forgive that if the plot is decent. but what plot? A little girls who is creepily interested in her mother's sex life keeps freaking out whenever her mother has sex (which she does with whatever guy seems to be available, the slut) so she freaks out and causes her mother's death, and then her father screams that she killed her mother, and I guess he gives up custody or something? I dunno, the movie isn't really strong on things like "continuity" or "making any kind of fucking sense" so I think the little girl is molested by a foster dad, but it might be her real dad, but regardless, she attacks him, and the movie jumps ahead to present- day where the girl is grown up. She's an actress, so I guess some eccentric behavior is acceptable, but she acts like such a complete lunatic that I can't fathom how she holds down a job, has any friends, or manages to keep a boyfriend (though he's no mental giant, so that probably helps). This movie doesn't even try to keep the identity of the killer a secret, so there's no mystery, and the gore is of the "fake blood dripped on bare skin" variety, so it doesn't hold much interest. There's a decent bit of nudity that got my attention since it was the only remotely interesting thing about the movie. Not much to recommend here otherwise.

Lethal Weapon

When I first watched this movie as a kid, I thought Mel Gibson's character was cool and Danny Glover's character was a washed up jerk. Now, years later, I must be getting too old for this shit (hee hee hee see what I did there?) because I kept thinking, "Damn, how does this asshole NOT get fired?" and "just because YOU have a death wish, hotshot, doesn't mean you have to take anyone else with you," and "you're fucking lucky he invited you over to his house for dinner, whether the food was great or not, and you sit around moping and feeling sorry for yourself enough that you should be grateful someone wants to spend any time with your whiny ass," and basically I think I would have killed Mel Gibson myself after like, five minutes of putting up with his bullshit. I also noticed a lot that went right over my head when I was a kid, like the significance of the bullet that Mel Gibson gives away as a present. Yup, totally didn't get that when I was younger. Also when did I get so fucking old? And damn everyone looks so young in this movie. Gary Busey is like, 12, I swear. This movie was a silly action flick, but it was fun to watch and it still holds up pretty well.

The Hunger Games

The Illusionist

This was one of those movies I didn't get to see right away when it came out, so everyone and their fucking brother tried ruining the entire plot of the movie for me by telling me every single thing that happened, so I flipped my shit and threatened to stab anyone who ruined even one plot point for me, and then I terrified most people into shutting up, so I didn't have to worry about having the movie spoiled for me, so I got complacent and waited a million years to actually watch the movie. By the time I finally watched it, people had built it up to me that there was this big huge twist and I would never ever guess it, so at first I didn't enjoy the movie that much, but once I got over that, it was a very cool movie. Take my advice and ignore everyone's rambling. The truth is that the "big twist" is actually pretty easy to guess if you watch a lot of movies, so don't worry about that and just enjoy the movie for what it is. It's got beautiful cinematography, great acting, and a romance that is actually romantic and engaging and fun to watch. When did we become so obsessed with getting to "the twist" that we forgot that there's a whole movie surrounding the twist, and that the entire story is important, not just that five minute "big reveal" at the end?