Time keeps on marching on, and I keep on watching movies I've managed to avoid until now. This ne came out in 1998 so I've been avoiding it for a long time, but I have my reasons this time. See, everyone has always told me how terrible this movie is, so I was in no hurry to see it. If it weren't for netflix adding this one to its catalog I would probably have avoided it for even longer, but alas, all good things must come to an end, and this movie kept popping up in my recommendations, so I finally decided to stop avoiding it and just watch it already. Who knows, maybe I'll even like it?
This movie stars James Woods and Daniel Baldwin as possibly the two most unlikeable vampire hunters in the world. They're celebrating a successful hunt one night when their crew is ambushed and alost all of them are killed. Now they have nothing but the clothes on their backs and a hooker who has been turned into a vampire by the head vampire who killed their whole crew. Since the hooker was turned by the guy they're lookinng for, she has a psychic link to him, so they take her with them and go on a journey seeking revenge.
John Carpenter used to make some great movies, didn't he? I mean, this is the guy responsible for Halloween, and The Thing, and The Fog, and Prince of Darkness. I'm not imagining how awesome he used to be, so what happened? How did the guy respoonsible for such great movies, end up like this, serving up this bottom-of-the-barrel crap? I mean, there's some cool gore here, but really that's it, I can't find anything else to recommend this movie. The characters are unlikeable, the movie lumbers along like that kid on the playground who thinks he's cool because he swears a lot, people yell at each other a lot, the "good guys" hunt the head vampire guy by beating the crap out of the hooker who is slowly turning into a vampire, and after awhile Daniel Baldwin's character starts acting like he's in love with her and he didn't spend the first half of the movie beating her ass.
After awhille there's a kinda cool moment where the vampires crawl out of their graves and start marching out into the night, they kill a bunch of monks, they get posession of a cross that will allow them to walk in the sunlight, the fearless vampire hunters wander around looking for them, eventually there will be a big climactic fight to the death, blah blah blah. I won't pretend that I didn't come into this movie expecting not to like it but DAMN, I gave it ample time to prove me wrong. It's all bang but no bucks. What a disappointment.
I wrote a haiku abut this movie that sums up my feelings about it:
Dipshits, undeadshits
When did Carpenter lose it?
Watch "Near Dark" instead.
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