As much as I love horror movies, I don't like watching those "real crew tries to catch ghosts on camera" shows. They bore me, because I'm sure it's scary for you to be in a house and the curtain moves when no one touched it, because it was a ghost (gasp!) but it's boring as hell for me sitting at home to watch a curtain move. That's why I don't watch those shows, they really bore me. When I was in jail, one of the ladies would watch those "real life" ghost hunter shows and they always bored me to tears. I've seen hundreds of these movies where people try to catch real ghosts on camera and end up accidentally capturing real ghosts and pretty much dooming themselves to death. Most recently I watched "Found Footage 3D," which was actually pretty good, and I've heard good things about this one as well, so let's check it out.
In this movie, A disgraced internet personality tries to win back his followers by livestreaming himself in one of the most haunted locations in America. Unfortunately, he happens to release a real vengeful spirit, and his comeback event becomes a fight for his life (autocorrect tried to change this to "fight for his LIKE" and I almost kept it, because that's really what he's fighting for, the "likes" he's trying to get on social media. That's kinda like me writing this blog for the likes and comments I get, but as much as I love you folks, I'm not gonna livestream myself in a haunted house for you guys. Nope. I've seen that movie too many times and it never ends well.
This dude is an idiot. what kind of tool says "red rover, red rover, send dead babies right over"? I can see why this guy got canceled from the internet before this movie happened. Supposedly he does something bad, gets canceled, apologizes, and this livestream is his comeback vidso. For someone who makes edgy comments about dead babies, he sure is scared by every little noise he hears in the haunted house. He's seriously screaming every time he hears anything weird. It's hard to build tension if your main character keeps freaking out before tension can be built.
There are a bunch of jump scares in this movie. That seems to be its stock in trade, be quiet for awhile then get really loud and make everyone jump. Plus this guy is a big wimp about getting hurt. And he takes forever to figure out something that we figured out pretty much as soon as it happens. Get it together dude. Plus I think this movie is supposed to be "funny" because I noticed lots of moments of "humor" and instead of being funny it's just tiresome. I know, I know, I'm the most humorless person in all the land, but I just don't find it a laugh riot when a little ghost girl bites the main character in the dick, it's just annoying. Typing that makes it even sound funnier than it is. Trust me, it's stupid. Because I didn't like the main character, I didn't want to root for him, so when everything is coming together at the end I just wanted to look at my watch and count the minutes until the movie was over. There's too many of them. I'm fading fast. I'm not going to make it. Oh no I can't take it I...zzzzzzzzzz.
Haha, I'm so funny. Actually I wish I could have fallen asleep, it would make this easier. It just occurred to me when I was watching a bunch more stupid stuff happen onscreen that this is how people who don't like horror movies see all horror movies, they think they're all this dumb. I don't know who recommended this movie to me, but I want to find them and give them a stern look, let me tell you. This movie stumbled through a few more predictable twists, then it finally ended. Rest assured, I hate doing this. I was hoping to like this movie and now I'm just irritated. Poo poo.
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