October Horror Challenge 2022 #70: "Aquaslash"

I was in the mood for a slasher flick, so I turned to this 2019 slasher film hoping for a bloody good time. This movie is about a killer who targets some recent 2018 graduates who are celebrating their graduation at a local waterpark with a rather dubious reputation. There's a competition for the fastest team to slide down the waterslides, and everyone is excited to compete. Actually mostly people seem to want to drink and snort coke and get into fights. I don't know what kind of high school this is, but we never got away with this kind of crap at my high school. of course, we didn't all look like we were in our 30s eithere. I have to say, I'm not terribly impressed with this movie.

So let's pretend this is a real movie and just continue with the review, I guess. None of the actors is very good at their job, and there really aren't any likeable characters to speak of. Everyone is an oversexed druggie in desperate need of anger management classes. I get the feeling we're supposed to care about the relationship drama, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Suffice it to say that several of the cast are in relationships with each other, but all they do is fight and cuss at each other, so we dont really get why they're together. I think there's supposed to be some side drama about the guy who owns the waterpark planning to sell it out from under his employees, but I couldn't bring myself to care about that either.

There's supposed to be a subplot about a race down the waterslides with a prize for the fastest team, but it's not developed very well. We saw the killer add blades to the inside of one of the water slides, so we know at least one of them is booby trapped to carve up one of the teams when they try to slide down the slide, and I think it's supposed to be suspensful but I really just wanted the movie to get on with it and have SOMETHING happen in the movie. Even the carnage once it finally starts manages to be boring, and I don't know how they managed that. I saw the negative reviews for this movie before I watched it and I thought there was no way the movie could be that bad, but nope, now that I've seen it, I assure you it really is that bad. Even a swimming pool full of blood and severed body parts can't save this movie. And it keeps going even after the penultimate gore scene, because there's still a plot to resolve and a twist to reveal that we don't care about. Honestly, you'd be better off watching just about anything else than watching this terrible attempt at a slasher.