Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Pack

Ew ew ew ew ew!!!!  Ok, now that I've got that out of my system, allow me to try and compose myself to write a semi-professional review of this movie.  I hope you appreciate my effort, too, by the way, especially considering that this is the only poster I could find that didn't use, like, a picture from the fucking end of the movie and give everything away (who designs these movie posters today anyway, Spoilers R Us?  The same people who think it's a good idea to give away the whole damn movie in the trailer so you don't need to go see it?)

So this movie's description really tells you nothing about it.  It says that a girl picks up a hitchhiker while driving (because she's never seen a horror movie ever ever in her life ever) but when she stops at a bar out in the middle of the boonies and he goes to use the bathroom and disappears, things start to get weird for her.  She can't get anyone to help her investigate what might have happened to him, and an old local cop who seems about 12 cans short of a six pack doesn't offer much guidance, so she goes back to the bar to investigate one night and winds up in deep trouble.  My description is longer than the one I got from the movie's file on Netflix, and it still doesn't tell you anything, but you're better off discovering what happens in this movie on your own.  Plus you might not even believe it if I tried to tell you what this movie was about anyway.

No really, I spent a lot of time staring at the screen wondering if THAT just happened or if I possibly hallucinated it.  It's THAT out there.  I've seen some weird movies in my life, but this one impresses me, because it's not just weirdness for weirdness' sake, it actually has a plot, it's just a fucking weird-ass plot that I'd never have guessed in a million years.  The main character is likable enough, and even though she gets herself into a bad situation I kind of felt bad for her, since she really was trying to help someone else.  At first, I thought I knew what was basically going on because I thought I'd seen movies like this before, but then things took a sharp right turn into mindfuckville, and nothing was ever the same again.  I don't know where these fucked-up French dudes get their ideas, but I love them for it.

The movie is pretty bleak and nasty and mean and gory, and you really never know who is safe and who might die when, because the movie doesn't care about you or anyone else, so it's a rough ride.  I have to laugh at one website's classification of this movie as a "suspense thriller."  Oh yeah, it's a suspense thriller.  Where at one point we see someone's legs get eaten onscreen.  You know, like they do in all suspense thrillers.  Make no mistake, this is a HORROR MOVIE, folks, and a freaky, icky one at that.  But I loved it.

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