Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Haunted Forest

Ugh, this movie.  Where do I begin  I suppose it doesn't start off too badly, and for about the first hour I even thought the movie wasn't terrible, but boy does it ever go downhill quickly, and it takes any good feelings I may have had with it as it crashes at the bottom of the barrel.  First, that tagline.  "Only the trees can hear you scream"?  What douchebag thought that one up?  Second, this movie can't decide what it wants to be about, so it's going to be fun trying to write you a plot summary.

Let's see...there's a forest haunted by the vengeful spirit of a girl whose spirit seems to be tied to a creepy looking tree that no one can find even if they search the woods for years, and everyone who spends any length of time in the woods disappears without a trace, so of course our genius characters decide to drive there and go hiking after their friend disappears (sure, sign me up for that doomed vacation!)  They meet up with some girls who are hiking in the woods looking for...um...flowers?  Ones that only grow in these woods?  Why are you looking at me like that?  Anyway, one of the characters in the first group is Native American, and we all know those injuns are all connected, so he has his grandfather's old journal which talks about these woods and the spirit within, and he feels connected with the spirit, only he's not sure why (but I'm sure the movie will give us a long, boring flashback sequence to explain why) so these characters wander around and get picked off one by stupid one until there are only a few left, and then they have to fight the spirit.

Sounds really stupid, right?  Oh you don't know the half of it.  The damn movie just kept getting dumber and dumber, and every time I thought it couldn't get any worse it would prove me wrong.  The Native American guy and one of his friends look so much alike that I kept getting them mixed up, and then near the end they switch jacket for some God-unknown reason, so then I REALLY couldn't tell them apart, and the "explanation" of why the forest is haunted is so asinine, and the "solution" the main character comes up with for solving the problem is so idiotic that I just wanted to fast forward to the end credits so I could track down everyone involved with making the movie and punch them in the face.  Just watch something else.  ANYTHING else.

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