Sunday, October 11, 2009

Night of 1000 Cats (movie #31)

Hoo boy, we're reaching into the toilet here today, folks. Now let me tell you, the only reason I bought this movie was because I like cats and I've heard there has never been a good horror movie featuring killer cats. I was hoping to have found one, but alas. Alack. This ain't it.

This movie isn't even really about killer cats. I'm not kidding you when I say that at least 50% of this movie consists of a guy flying around in a helicopter staring at women and trying to get them to come back to his castle with him so he can feed them dinner and then kill them and feed them to his pit of hungry cats. While this premise sounds interesting, listening to bad elevator music while I watch a guy flying around in a helicopter isn't my idea of a good time. The women in this movie are all a bunch of idiots too, there's no fucking way I'd ever buy a used car from that guy, let alone get into a helicopter and go with him anywhere.

At the killer's castle, he has some bald guy in a robe who prances around and opens doors for him and cooks dinner and generally looks creepy and weird. We never get to actually see him throwing body parts into the pit of cats, though, it's always a big pot of ground up meat that we're supposed to assume is human. Not to say we don't ever get to see the cats attack anyone. In the horror movie "Frogs," the titular frogs never do anything but hop harmlessly around onscreen and at one point ruin a birthday cake, so I was afraid we wouldn't get to see the cats do any actual killing, but at the end of "Night of 1000 Cats," we do get to see the cats attack and eat someone. I won't give away exactly what happens, but suffice it to say, this scene is actually pretty cool. Too bad we have to sit through the rest of this movie to get to it. My ex once said "A picture is worth a thousand words. A shitty picture is only worth six words: I spent my money on this?" After seeing this movie, I couldn't agree more.

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