I could have sworn I saw every spider themed movie available on Amazon, but somehow this escaped my notice, and it's an MST3K version, too. What fun! I actually think I watched this movie years ago, but I'm sure the commentary will make this one fun even if I've seen it before. The poster makes it look more like there's a guy who gets bitten by a spider and turns into a monster, which, ew. Spiders are gross and spider bites are icky. This really IS a horror movie!
This movie is about a group of women dancers who get into a plane crash and end up on a mysterious island with some angry mutant spiders. Except most of the movie is the women dancing, or flirting with locals, or having boring conversations. For a movie called "horrors of spider islsnd," there's way more boredom than horror and definitely not enough spiders. This wasn't a good movie to watch when I was this tired, because I kept nodding off and fighting to stay awake.
Even the MST3K guys said during one boring scene "so, this is no bikini girls, and no spiders, so basically it's pointless." UNFORTUNATELY that's true of most of the scenes in this movie. I swear, it's over an hour into the hour and thirty minute runtime of the movie before we even see a monster. The rest of the movie is the dancing girls performing for the inhabitants of the island and fighting over the same sleazy guy who doesn't deserve any of them. My cat could make a better horror movie than this.
At least there were a few funny comments:
"So, are you looking for a bloated man with a scarf?"
"Boy, maintaining my misogyny is increasingly difficult."
"I'm not just wondering if there's a point to the movie now, I'm wondering if there's a point to ANYTHING."
"I'm glad it's dark, I can imagine my own action scene."
"Why are we listening to you? Let's just check into who was getting his butt kicked by a spider and who wasn't."
"The whole movie just up and ran away from us."
There's exactly ONE good scene in this movie, one redeeming moment, and it doesn't come until the end when the spider guy is running away from angry villagers with torches. That's the only cool thing that happens in the whole movie, and then right after that the movie abruptly ends like, in midsentence and the MST3K crew were like "...what? Ok, so you wanna end your movie like that? Get bent!" My sentiments exactly.
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