2020 October Horror Challenge #100: "The Stepford Wives (1975)"

 

This movie is based on a book written by Ira Levin. So was "Rosemary's Baby," and when I watched that movie, it sucker punched me out of nowhere and haunted me for days. After that happened,  I turned into a big baby and chickened out of ever watching this movie, so the DVD has been sitting on my shelf for like 14 years. The thing is, I know everything that's going to happen in this movie, I've had the whole plot spoiled for me over the years, but I also knew everything that was going to happen in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" too, and look how that turned out. I've managed to conquer my fears and watch some other movies I was afraid to watch this year for the horror challenge, so here goes.

I'm sure you know what this movie is about. A woman named Joanna played by Katharine Ross, moves with her husband and children to a small town to get away from the city. There's something weird about the town though. The men are a tight-knit group who seem to be keeping secrets, and most of the wives seem vapid and subservient to their husbands. The only real friend Joanna can find is Bobbie, played by Paula Prentiss, who is another new transplant to the town of Stepford who agrees that the town is a little creepy. They begin digging into the town's history trying to find answers, and what they discover is horrifying. 

So it's obvious that this movie has feminist overtones. The men of Stepford have boorish,  outdated views on how women should behave, and their vision of the ideal wife is obedient to her husband, has no real interests of her own, and lives to serve her man. Needless to say, this doesn't go over well with the new wives who move to Stepford and want to have lives of their own that don't revolve around pleasing their husbands.

The thing is, Joanna is kind of a jerk. She's on her husband's case a lot and wants to argue with him a lot, and I get how that can be annoying,  but that's just what having a relationship with another human is like. You're going to butt heads, disagree, compromise. Would you really want to trade that in for a marriage to an obedient little robot who agrees with everything you say? I wouldn't,  and I would hope most people wouldn't want that either. Movies like this where people want to control their spouse just get under my skin, so the whole movie experience is uncomfortable for me (that's why they call it horror though, I guess). This kind of movie will always be more horrific for me. I can watch a million monsters rip people's heads off, but give me a movie like this and I want to cover my eyes and cower in fear.

The scariest part about watching this movie is watching Joanna grow more and more terrified as time passes because she sees the way the women in town act, she sees her friends change from women with personality to robotic, obedient little drones, and she knows that it's going to happen to her soon, and there's nothing she can do to save herself. Her husband who used to love her now wants to order her around like she's a pet, and she doesn't  know what's happening or how to stop it. When Joanna is confronting her former friend Bobbie trying to get her to admit that she's changed, or snap her out of whatever trance she seems to be in, and she's crying, yelling "when I cut myself I bleed, do YOU bleed?" It's pretty terrifying. And the fact that her husband gives in and agrees to whatever horrible plan the town has, I want to punch him in the face. I want a partner, not a robot, and it makes me sick that people would settle for anything less. So yeah, this movie is scary, and it makes me sick to my stomach,  but in a good way that let's me know it's done its job well.

2020 October Horror Challenge #99: "Summer of Fear(1978)"

 

I'm glad I wasn't just imagining this movie. I could swear to God "Summer of Fear" was a young adult novel by the author Lois Duncan (she also wrote "I Know  what you did Last Summer") but then I thought that might just be in my head, since I only vaguely remembered the title of this book, then Amazon recommended this movie to me, and I looked it up online, and yep, Lois Duncan book. This is also an early Wes Craven horror movie that would probably have been a Lifetime movie of the week if it hadn't come out years before Lifetime movies existed. I figured since this was a Wes Craven movie, I would enjoy it, so I gave it a shot.

In this movie, a young woman named Rachel's life is turned upside down when her cousin Julia comes to stay with her family after the mysterious death of her parents. Strange things start happening, and it almost seems like Rachel is cursed all of a sudden. More and more strange occurrences happen, and soon Rachel begins to suspect that befcousin isn't as innocent as she appears. Eventually, Rachel begins to suspect that Julia is using witchcraft to control people and get what she wants.

The thing about Lois Duncan is that she flies under the radar a lot because she's this sweet lady who doesn't have cussing in her books and she seems to write "horror lite" so you underestimate  her, think her books aren't going to be that bad, and then she punches you in the face and throws you off a bridge, and you're in the water trying not to drown and wondering what the hell happened. "Daughters of Eve" is a book she wrote that is legitimately terrifying, and "Stranger with My Face" still creeps into my nightmares from time to time, and I read that over twenty years ago. I don't know how she does it, but somehow,  someway, she weaves a story in a way that it sticks with you, and wiggles its way into your mind and pushes buttons you didn't even know existed. 

This movie is a good example of that storytelling. There are these little details that are freaky in a way that I never expected. Like Julia is jealous because Rachel has a horse she loves, so Rachel puts a curse on the horse, hoping it will die, just to hurt Rachel. That's mean and cruel (seriously,  who does that? If you want to hurt people that's bad enough, but to harm a poor animal just to hurt someone who loves it?) The story also plays on the fear of being the only person who sees the evil in someone,  while everyone else loves that person. It's horrible feeling powerless and watching people around you get hurt when there's nothing you can do to stop it.

This movie deals with some themes that are common to Duncan's books. Envying someone's life so much that you try to take over their life, supernatural forces intruding onto everyday life, the banality of evil. Linda Blair plays Rachel in this movie (damn, she always gets hurt by supernatural forces) and she does a good job playing an innocent girl who's trying to keep evil from hurting the people she loves. Lee Purcell plays Julia, and she pulls off the creepy interloper role very well. The movie is cheesyand silly in places, but it works pretty well. I'm glad I watched it.

October Horror Challenge #98: "Get Out (2017)"

 

Ok, I'll  be honest with y'all.  I bought this movie as soon as it came out,  so I've had it for a few years now. But every time it came around to watching it...I chickened out. I watched the trailer and it actually made me cry, I was so freaked out.  So I put off watching it because I was afraid. I mean,  I honestly think I KNOW what happens. I'm not white, but I *look* white, so people feel comfortable making the vilest racist comments around me, and it makes me want to puke and die. I don't want to live in a world where those things are ok to think and say (if people say that out loud, think of what they might hold back?) So yeah. Racism. Ew. And from gleaning what I've heard online, I'm pretty sure I have a good idea what happens in this movie. Similar to "The Stepford Wives," in a lot of ways, which I'm already the hugest baby because I bought that movie years ago and I'm afraid to watch it too. So yeah, I'm a huge baby. And I'm scared. But I'm watching this movie today, because I think it deserves that much. 

So this movie is about a guy named Chris and his girlfriend named Rose. They've been dating for awhile, so they're at the "hey, let's meet my parents" stage of dating, so Chris heads away for a trip to meet Rose's parents. At first, Rose's parents seem overly accommodating, and he chalks it up to her parents being nervous because of the difference in race (he's black, she's white). As time goes on, though their behavior seems more and more sinister. Soon he's fighting for his sanity, his soul,  and his life.

So last year a friend of mine watched "Tales From the Hood" for the first time, and he complained that the movie was racist, because all the white people were racist against black people. I tried to explain to him that first, that wasn't true, there were some good white people in the movie, but they weren't in big roles because for the first time, most of the characters in the movie were black. Most of the time, all the people in these horror movies I watch are white, so it's rare to see a black character, let alone them be the majority of the characters in the movie. Second, these "tales from the" type movies are about bad people getting to hell and being forced to review their pasts  looking back on their lives and seeing how what they did was wrong, so yes, most of the white people are racist just like most of the black people are violent and evil, because they're BAD and the stories in the movie will reveal how and why they are bad people and why they deserve the punishment of hell. Third...dude, watch all these horror movies with almost all white characters,  then pick the only movie in the whole bunch that contains actual black people, then say that movie is racist against whites. He said that helped him put things into perspective.

I think the worst part of all of this is...he loves her. Chris really loves Rose, so he's willing to put up with a lot from her family because he really cares for her. You can see it in his eyes when he looks at her and talks to her. I've been in love before,  and it made me ignore red flags that could have covered several acres of land, because I loved that person, and LOVE CONQUERS ALL, right? It's do wrong to take advantage if that love, but people do it every day.

So at one point I'm screaming at the screen "no, what's wrong with you?! You're doing the same thing all the stupid white people do in the horror movies,  you dumbass!" And yeah, true facts. When Chris calls his friend halfway through the movie, and his friend tries to warn him that the situation is fucked up, but Chris doesn't want to listen...I was screaming at the screen, like I do during horror movies (why do they never listen to me?) It's just...during some movies, we're watching like...mutated fish rip people's heads off, right? And that's not going to happen,  right? But there are a depressing number of white people who hate black people and think they need to be subdued and controlled...so you can't comfort yourself with "oh, well, it's just a movie, it's pretend" BECAUSE IT'S REAL. Or it could be real. And that's what makes it terrifying. 

In movies like this, It's often a choice between the person in danger keeping quiet and trying to please everyone,  or choosing to run and save whatever life they can salvage from the wreckage. Take it from one survivor who ran...even over 20 years later, I sometimes look back and question my choice. I know the danger I was in, I know the daily death threats I heard, I can still feel the plaster from the wall hitting my face when someone shoved a knife into the wall right next to my head...and sometimes I still miss the family I had that I wish I was crazy just so I could take it back.That's just as crazy as it sounds, but it's true. The only family and home I knew was slowly killing me, yet sometimes I wish I coduld go back. So I get how Rose feels in this movie. She loves her boyfriend,  but she loves her family, and she's known them all her life. So what does she believe? Who does she choose? Or is it even a choice, has she known the truth all along and she's just playing along with the sick game?

So the movie is over, and I'm done having my panic attack,  and I'm thinking...honestly, I'm not sure what to think. At one point during the conclusion, I was sure the movie had jumped the shark, and it was just too silly to be salvageable, but then it kept going, and it got scary again, then silly, then scary, then funny (in a good way) and overall,  my opinion of the movie is positive. I think it does a lot right, and taps into some deep seeded fears (meeting your partner's parents is often terrifying, even if no one is a big old psycho). Like Jordan Peele (the director) says, it "rings true." But I just feel like the movie gives too much away and becomes more physiological than psychological, and it would be better keeping more hidden and unknown. Thpugh I've watched the special features, and the alternate ending was something I liked better than the theatrical ending, but I understand why he changed it, and I do think it works out in the end.  Stephen King once said that no matter how mysterious you try to keep your villain, at some point you have to put on the monster mask and go "ooga booga!" And when you do, you run the risk of the audience saying "oh THAT'S IT?! I thought it would be way worse," and maybe that's what I'm doing now. But so much of this movie is good and worth checking out that I won't let some ambivalence about its  conclusion make me miss that it's a good movie. Just maybe flawed. But better than a lot of movies, so it works for me. I'm glad I finally watched it. 

2020 October Horror Challenge #97: "The Lift (1983)"

 

Somehow I missed this movie in my quest a few years ago to track down every elevator-centered horror movie. There are actually quite a few. This one was one if the earlier ones, back in 1983. It's a Dutch horror/sci-fi flick, and it's kinda dubbed badly, but im hoping to enjoy it in spite of this.

So there's this elevator in a building that starts behaving strangely and killing passengers (whoops!) It's hard for authorities to belive this strange occurrence,  but a maintenance man and a reporter know that something has to be wrong with the elevator (you think?) so they try to get to the bottom of the mystery and stop the elevator from killing passengers (and even people who just walk too close to the elevator).

Right when the movie begins, there are some really obnoxious people in the building, and I was hoping the elevator would kill them so I didn't have to listen to them anymore. Score! Well, they don't die, but they almost do, so that at least shuts them up for awhile. Soon people start actually dying, though, and while authorities don't want to believe that the elevator is targeting and killing people, the maintenance guy  knows better. I kinda feel bad for him. He's a jerk, but he's also one of the only people who realizes that the elevator is dangerous and is trying to stop it.

The tabloid reporter is the only other person who believes there must be something wrong with the elevator. The company that made the processors used in the elevator keep blowing her off, but it's clear that they realize something is wrong, because they secretly meet to discuss how to stop the elevator from killing people, but they don't want the public to know, so I guess they're willing to let the elevator keep killing people until they figure something out. Meanwhile, the maintenance guy's wife sees him out with the reporter and thinks he's having an affair, so she leaves him and takes the kids. I really can't blame her with his cagey behavior and unwillingness to tell her what's going on.

The elevator is creepy and menacing. It's definitely freaky enough, there's just more focus on the annoying characters that I want to punch in the face instead of the evil elevator that showld be the star of the movie. When the movie focuses on the elevator stalking its prey or spitting out a dead body, it's cool. It's when the movie veers off to focus on the annoying characters that it gets boring. We're supposed to feel bad for Felix (the maintenance guy) but the fact is that he's not doing his job very well, taking time he's supposed to be fixing things and running around doing a secret investigation with the reporter, so his wife and his boss have every reason to be pissed at him.

So, I have a question for you. If you knew an evil elevator was killing people, would you get in it and climb around? I wouldn't. I guess we're supposed to see him as a big hero trying to save people, but this guy has been an asshole the whole movie, treating his wife and boss and even his reporter friend like crap, and we're supposed to believe he's what, noble now? It's more like he just wants to beat the elevator because he's pissed off, so ok, it still doesn't make me care about him. I will say that those scenes inside the elevator shift are pretty tense, and there's a twist right up at the end that's cool, so the movie is ok. I just wish there had been more likeable characters. 

2020 October Horror Challenge #96: "The Old Dark House (1932)"

I always start wanting to watch older classic movies at this point in the challenge. Last year I binges a bunch of silent horror movies like "Nosferatu," but this year I was excited to find a little black and white gem directed by James Whale ("Frankenstein" and "Bride of Frankenstein") that I've never seen before.

Some weary travelers get caught in a storm one night, and when they discover that the road is out ahead, they seek shelter in a creepy, dark mansion they pass on the road. The family inside the house are pretty eccentric and downright strange, but they allow the guests to stay, eat dinner, and stay the night. Soon more travelers show up to seek shelter, and it's a full house. The Female family, who own the house, are Horace, the reluctant host, Morgan,vice butler, who is mute, and Rebecca, the older lady who is hard of hearing and prone to strange outbursts about chastity and her family's tragic history. As the night goes on, Morgan begins to show a romantic interest in the lady guests, and Rebecca become more irritable and fed up with the guests. As the night goes on, events take a frightening turn. Will they all survive the night or will they succumb to the terrors of the old dark house?

Was it typical back in the day days to just go up to some stranger's house and knock on the door and ask to stay the night because it's storming outside? I can't imagine doing that now. The family is very odd and not terribly hospitable, but I might be cranky too if some strangers showed up on a stormy night and asked me to let them stay in my house for the night. And let them eat dinner too! Why did they make so much food for only three people? It's like they knew they would have company. The second set of travelers,  a man and a woman, are about as strange as the family in the house. One is a chorus girl, and one is an industrial businessman. They're loud and goofy, dancing around and making weird conversation around the dinner table. Was it normal to get into big fights about politics around the dinner table with total strangers like this? Nowadays people just fight on Facebook and it seems much more efficient.

Morgan the butler is played by Boris Karloff, and he's said to be a drunk with a penchant for turning violent. Soon he's (literally) chasing after the female guests. Jerk. And there are lots more secrets to discover within the house too. It turns out there are two more family members that the reluctant hosts neglected to mention, one of whom appears to be very dangerous. In the midst of this, two of the guests spend some time together and announce that they're in love (dude, can you wait until a time when you're all not in grave danger? This really isn't the time). Soon there are fights breaking out, crazy people running around the house, and the threat of the whole sordid evening going up in flames. This is a strange little movie, but it was a fun watch. Remind me never to stop at creepy old houses if I get caught in a storm.

2020 October Horror Challenge #96: "Dead Heat (1988)"

 

How have I never heard of this movie?! It's a cop movie that's also a horror movie about zombies, with Treat Williams, Joe Piscopo, AND Vincent Price! Clearly I was meant to love this movie, and the cruel, harsh world was keeping us apart,  but now we can be together at last. I can't wait to watch it.

This movie is about two cops, partners, who are after a violent gang of robbers who are extremely reckless and hard to kill. One of the cops dies fighting the gang, but finds himself resurrected as a zombie. He and his partner try to track down the rest of the undead gang and solve the "hey who's making all these zombies" mystery before it's too late.

Treat Williams looks so young in this movie! It's adorable. Joe Piscopo is really young too. Their banter and antics are a lot of fun even before zombies enter the picture. I would totally watch a buddy cop movie with these two. They could still make one! Somebody needs to get to work on this project immediately, because I want to watch that movie. Until that movie happens, though, I'll be content to watch this movie. Vincent Price is also great as always. He stars as the "asshole scientist who wants to play God" and I loved every minute.

This movie has some great special effects for its time. There's a zombie transformation scene that has to be seen to be believed. It's cool to watch even as I'm sad for what's happening to the character involved. There's another sequence that takes place in a butcher shop where the animal corpses suddenly come to life, and it's disgusting but hilarious. We also get to see a zombie go from human-looking to rotted corpse as time passes and tissue deteriorates. There's some skin melting, a good stabbing, and lots of dead bodies in various stages of decay. There's also a zombie vs. zombie shootout that you won't want to miss, and a body exploding (because what movie is complete without THAT?)

There are some great twists in the plot, too. The movie sneaks in a love story of sorts, and there's a mystery surrounding who is behind the zombie scheme and the dozens of murders that pile up while the cops are doing their investigation. I feel like saying more would give too much away, and this movie is such a blast that I'd hate to ruin it. Suffice it to say that young little baby Treat Williams shows his action movie chops in such a fun way that the movie just ended and I already want to watch it again. 

2020 October Horror Challenge #95: "Strange Behavior (1981)"

 

This movie was also released under the title "Dead Kids," and it's listed under "Strange Behavior" on Shudder, but when you hit "play," the title credits read "Dead Kids," so I had to find a poster for both.  Speaking of posters, these are pretty awesome. I would have been obsessed with watching this if I'd seen those as a kid. I'm pretty excited about watching it even now.

This movie is set in a small Midwestern town in Illinois. A bunch of teenagers are dying, and a policeman is convinced that the deaths have something to do with experiments being conducted at a local college. His own son has participated in the experiments, as has his son's best friend, who has been acting strangely ever since. It appears that while the experimental drugs given to the teens increase brain activity (making them smarter) they also have dangerous effects on behavior (hello homicidal rage!)

This plot has been done many times now (one of my favorite teen horror flicks, "Disturbing Behavior," is one example) but the idea was more original back in 1981. This movie is considered a seminal qork in New Zealand cinema (so much for the film being set in Illonois) so it's an example of early Oz-ploitation cinema. Gotta love it. The acting is pretty cheesy, but not much worse than any early 80s horror flick. There's only one character in one scene who can't keep their American accent, which made me smile, but otherwise everyone could really be from Illinois, so they did a good job.

At first, this seems like a run of the mill slasher, and not a great one at that,  so I wasn't very impressed, but as the movie goes on, it becomes more of a story of the dangers of scientists overreaching and playing God. Lots of horror movies have similar themes, so this one resonated. There are some good gory scenes, and the teens who have undergone the experiments have this confused, off-kilter, zombielike way of acting that actually works for the movie and creeps me out. Once the entire plot is revealed, it's pretty messed up,  and I like how the Sheriff stops messing around and is ready to end things in a hail of bullets (I can't exactly say I disagree with him at that point). The ending is insane too. It's fucked up in a way I didn't expect it to be. Good job, filmmakers! can see why this movie went down in Oz-ploitation history. Overall, I ended up liking this movie much better than I thought I would.

2020 October Horror Challenge #94: "Haunt (2019)"

 

This was the #1 movie on Shudder in 2019. It sounds like a fun slasher flick. It's set in one of those "extreme" haunted attractions, where you have to sign a release before going in, and the actors can touch you and drag you around (as long as they don't physically hurt you) so it's a truly imnersive experience that actually feels real. I think I'll pass. Sounds horrific to me. But it might make for a fun movie, especially if the characters take awhile to notice something's wrong because it's in the middle of a horror attraction that's supposed to seem real. Guess we'll see. 

So this movie focuses on a young lady in an abusive relationship who spends Halloween night out with her girlfriends to forget about her boyfriend drama. They meet up with some guys at a club and decide to check out an extreme haunted house guarded at the end of a dark, deserted road, by a creepy, silent clown (there'snot enough "nope" in the world for this scenario). Once they enter, they're forced to decide between two paths and the group splits up (because of course they do) and things start to get more and more terrifying. Soon, they're fighting to survive. Will they be able to escape  the haunt?

Pk, first of all, if I'm driving around at night afraid someone is following me, and I randomly turn down a road and a "Haunted house" sign turns on out of nowhere, I'm not going in there. WTF? Ok, they look it up online and it has a Yelp review, but it's not like some psycho couldn't write a fake review and post it online, so that wouldn't comfort me much, plus I would never agree to leave my phone outside so I can'tcall for help ifsomethinghappens. And the gags freak me out, too, even before anythingserious starts. I can't stand spiders and I'm afraid of tight spaces, so that would all be a huge NO from me, but I guess once they enter the haunt, it's too late.

There's a lot of creepy atmosphere, and once things get serious, it escalates quickly. I give these guys some credit for at least trying to fight back, they don't just wander around and wait to get killed like a lot of characters in movies like this (but they keep splitting up! Dude, stop that! Have you never seen a horror movie before in your life?!) They spend way too much time thinking they can somehow negotiate their way out to safety before they realize the killer that stalks them is not interested in playing fair.

Things get really bloody, too. Death by pitchfork, claw hammer, sledgehammer, etc. It's all very grisly and cool. I have to admit, despite their stupid moves, I did find myself caring about the kids and rooting for them to make it. I liked how the kills were sadistic and mean-spirited, the masks were definitely creepy (and sometimes what was under them was even worse!) Overall, this isn't the most original movie I've ever seen, but it was a fun watch, and a LOT better than I expected it to be. Happy Haunting!

2020 October Horror Challenge #93: "The Lords of Salem"

 

Rob Zombie gets a lot of crap for his movies. Seriously,  people shit all over everything he does. It probably doesn't help that he remade a beloved horror classic like "Halloween" (which i really didn't think was as bad as people made it out to be) and his films definitely have a lot of cussing and nudity and gore and depravity and a whole lot of style over substance. I can see how it annoys people. Like that kid on the playground during recess who thought he was cool because he said the word "fuck" a lot. I've always liked Zombie's movies, though. With very few exceptions, they have a creeping sense of dread that gets under my skin, so I dig them. I hope I dig this one, too.

In this movie, Sheri Moon Zombie plays a radio DJ named Heidi who is plagued by nightmarish visions after she listens to an album by a group known as "The Lords." The record shows up mysteriously at her job one day, so she decides to take it home and give it a listen. This is a really bad idea, of course, but we only know that because this is a horror movie. It seems that having records appear at her job by bands that hope to get some airtime is not an unknown occurrence, so it makes sense that she'd listen to the record. As things start to get weird, then scary, then even more terrifying, Heidi has to figure out if she can defeat the ancient evil before it's too late.

This movie hearkens back to the Salem witch trials,  but it takes the view that there were actual witches in Salem, who worshipped Satan and sacrificed children and danced naked around a fire, asking Satan to appear among them. I almost like this view better, because it's gratifying imagining some real witches getting bloody revenge for all the people who were tortured and killed in the name of ridding the world of evil. If their power survived even when their bodies were burned back then, they had to be powerful, and the haunting music on that record makes it easy to imagine some ancient evil seeping out through the music and infecting anyone who listens to it.

The more time goes by, the more Heidi is affected by the evil emanating from that record. She has weird dreams and visions that follow her around her apartment building,  at work, and even when she seeks refuge in a church. I liked Heidi, so it's sad to see her break down like this. The setup of the movie is that it begins on Monday,  continues on Tuesday,  gets worse on Wednesday,  even worse on Thursday,  and so on. The title cards that appear onscreen show the progression of the movie throughout the week, and the oppressive terror gets worse as time goes on and we sense Heidi slipping away day by day.

Ok, so it probably helps that I literally JUST watched "All the Colors of the Dark" yesterday, but I get what this movie was trying to do. The parts of the movie that were linear, telling a scary story from beginning to end (woman finds record, listens to it, gets infected by evil that wants to use her to its own purposes) were good, and scary, and effective because I cared about Heidi and didn't want anything bad to happen to her. That's about half of the movie. The other half is this swirling mass of psychedelic visions, with strobe lights and blood and sexial depravity, and those are...hard to watch. 

Partly because I get chronic migraines and these scenes about made my head explode, partly because they're confusing (they're supposed to be) and partly because they disyract from that other half of the movie, which I really like. I think a lot of the backlash against this movie is because of those mindful visions that gave everyone a headache and didn't make sense, and frankly just pissed people off. Am I saying that this movie is bad? Not really,  I actually liked this movie, because I had context for what the nightmare visions were trying to do (if watching them onscreen was bad, imagine what it's like to have them in your head, playing over and over) but I get why people didn't like the movie, or didn't get it, or just wanted Rob Zombie to calm the fuck down and make a NORMAL movie for once, because I think he does a good job at that, if he gives himself the chance. I like this movie, but it gave me a headache.

2020 October Horror Challenge #92: "Bloody Pit of Horror (Rifftrax)"

 

This is one of those schlocky gorefest movies that has this big reputation for being depraved and disgusting,  but when you watch it you see that it doesn't really live up to the hype. I knew that would be true even before I saw it, because that's almost always the way it goes with these infamous grind house flicks, so I opted to watch the "Rifftrax" version, so at least I'd have some sarcastic commentary to keep me company if the movie sucked.

Ok, this movie is about a photographer and crew who need to do a sexy horror-themed photo shoot, and they need a creepy looking old castle for the setting,  but instead of renting I ne, they just...wander around Europe until they find a castle and then they trespass inside to see if the owner will let them use it (that really sounds like im making it up, but I swear that's what happens). So at first the owner of the castle tells them to get out of his house (and they all act like he's a jerk for doing that, but you broke into his house! You're lucky he didn't shoot you!) Eventually the owner relents and agrees to let them use the castle, but as soon as they start shooting, someone is horribly killed, and they all act like it's an accident when CLEARLY it's not, and then they don't even call the cops or anything, they just keep working! Hey, they have a deadline. Anyway they all start getting tortured and killed by the resurrected "Crimson Executioner," who was put to death hundreds of years ago for torturing his victims as a punishment for their sins.

I have no idea how they took a premise like that and managed to make it boring, but they pulled it off! The movie is terrible,  but the Rifftrax guys had some good quips:

"Bloody Pit of Horror: now with 97% more meandering!"

"It's sad to see the Scooby-Doo gang get old and European."

"This may be the swankiest murder music I've ever heard. She's either going to be killed or seduced by Austin Powers."

"They warned me my love of cardigans would lead to a bad end!"

"The guy who lovingly oils his man boobs in the mirror is worried about sin."

"I've seen better fight scenes in the wheelchair center's production of "On Golden Pond."

"An infant Jackie Chan saw this and said "I've already choreographed better fights and I was born a week ago!"

"I trust the vulture in Disney's Robin Hood more with a crossbow than I do this guy."

"I guess spouting exposition is a side effect of being tortured."

Funtimes were had by all (except the poor people who had to watch this movie without the commentary).

2020 October Horror Challenge #91: "Ma"

 

I've been meaning to watch this movie since last year. That's when I bought the DVD, and I brought it home, and it was sitting on top of my blu-ray player staring at me...and I totally chickened out, guys. The image of Octavia Spencer on the cover of the movie just...creeped me out in that "under the skin" way that made me afraid that this would be one of the movies that gave me permanent psychological damage, and then this year happened,  and "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" sent me into a 4 day panic attack (I still get chills when I think about certain scenes from the movie) and I almost chickened out this year, too. But I love Octavia Spencer, and I really want to see this movie, so I'm going to stop being the world's hugest baby and just watch the damn movie already. If I totally snap and start creeping around in a room full of yellow wallpaper, it's been nice knowing you guys.

This movie is about a group of high school students who have a night of partying planned, driving around in a van getting drunk (oh to be young again) and they get a woman to buy them alcohol, and she becomes a de-facto friend. Another night, she offers to let them party in her basement as long as they follow a few rules (no taking the Lord's name in vain, one of them has to stay sober so he's safe to drive, and they absolutely cannot go upstairs). Soon they decide to party at her place again and again, but before they know it, her friendship is turning into an obsession, and their "fun nights" are turning into a nightmare.

I feel absolutely ancient now that Juliette Lewis is old enough to play the teenage girl's mom in a movie like this. I feel like it was just yesterday she'd be playing the cool teenager. When did we get so old?! She's a good actress, though. I feel bad for her character. It  must suck returning to your hometown to raise your daughter when you left with big dreams about making it in California. She seems to be a good mom, too. She's got issues (don't we all) but she loves her kid and she's doing her best.

Octavia Spencer is great too, of course. I feel bad for her, because she seems lonely and it's fun being the cool place to hang out. I know a few parents who encourage their teens to drink at their house, because it's better than having them out drinking and not know where they are, and it feels good to be the "cool parents," but in this movie, I can see Ma's friendship slowly turning into something more sinister (the look in her eyes is creepy enough on its own even when she's not saying anything). As more of the plot is revealed, I felt a mixture of my heart breaking for her even while I want to run screaming for the hills. That's hard to do. Kudos to Spencer for pulling it off.

Another theme in this movie is how high school traumas can cause lasting damage. Maggie (Juliette Lewis's daughter in the movie and one of the teens who parties at Ma's house) begins to suspect Ma might be dangerous before anyone else catches on. Her mom doesn't seem to have been a huge asshole in high school, but a lot of the other adults in this movie apparently were, and they don't seem to have grown up much over the years. Eventually it becomes clear that a lot of asshole adults were asshole teens too. I feel bad for the bullying Ma received in high school, but that doesn't excuse her actions now.

After a slow build, everything eventually goes full-blown crazy, of course. All the secrets are revealed, and things get absolutely apeshit terrifying. The climax to the movie is insane. I won't give anything away, but good LORD. I'll never see Octavia Spencer the same way again (that's a good thing, though, because she's awesome in this movie). No apparent permanent psychological damage yet, but we'll see if Ma shows up in my nightmares. This is a great movie, though. Totally worth it.

2020 October Horror Challenge #90: "Replica (2005)"

 

This movie was made by the same guy who made the movie "Birdemic: Shock and Terror." In case you can't tell from that awesome title, that movie is TERRIBLE. I mean REALLY bad. Like so bad even the Rifftrax commentary can't save it. I still wanted to stab myself in the face. So why am I willingly watching ANOTHER movie made by this guy? I'm a glutton for punishment. Plus I have a hard time believing anything could be worse than Birdemic (and God laughs, right?) Also, I'm hoping the Rifftrax guys can make this movie at least a little bit fun to watch.

This movie is about a guy who gets a kidney transplant and becomes obsessed with the technology that harvests and transplants cloned organs. And...yeah, there's lots of boring shots of  driving around and walking and none of the actors sound even remotely sincere. It pretty much sucks, just like Birdemic.  There is one great line in the commentary:

"They're cloning organs after a year? Facebook took five years to come up with the poke button." 

But since the movie is so horrible, there's nothing much they can do. It's ok Rifftrax guys, you tried. I still love you. But I hate this movie.

2020 October Horror Challenge #89: "All the Colors of the Dark"

 

Check out those movie posters! It looks like a unicorn ate Rainbow Brite and then threw up all over a movie poster! I remember seeing these explosions of color a few times over the years, and wanting to check out the movie they came from. You have to hand it to Italian horror filmmakers. They're anything but subtle, and they sure know how to attract attention. This is another giallo, an Italian slasher movie, and I'm finally getting to watch it today, after many years. Let's see what all the psychedelic fuss is about. 

This movie is about a woman named Jane whose dreams are being haunted by weird psychosexual dreams. She's tormented, not getting much sleep, and she keeps seeing a strange man who appears to be stalking her. Her husband's answer is for her to take drugs (he's a pharmaceutical rep) but the drugs just make her loopy and don't seem to help. Her sister then encourages her to join a satanic group for "protection," and to learn to control her dreams, and she becomes so desperate that she's willing to try it, but rather than helping, the cult seems to make her worst nightmares come to life.

This movie is a trip, and a really bad one at that. Jane's dreams are really fucked up, and they are full of weird, swirling imagery and strange music that made me feel like they were one of my worst migraines come to life. I also have to question the people Jane surrounds herself with. Her husband keeps yelling at her to calm down and snap out of it (don't you think she's tried that already, genius?) And her sister gives really dubious advice too. Who advises someone to join a satanic cult? Oh yeah, that will help everything .

All giallo movies, or at least most I've seen, have at least one weird psychedelic dream sequence. Those Italians must have some good drugs. But this movie is like if someone took all those crazy dream sequences and stitched them together and threw out the rest of the plot. It's cool in a nightmarish way, but it made my head hurt. I felt bad for Jane, but she makes such stupid decisions that I was kinda pissed at her too. Dude, throw out the whole entire husband, get some new friends, and try again. Even  her psychiatrist s a douche. He just keeps telling her she needs to calm down and everything is fine, even after she hallucinates that she killed someone and wakes up with blood all over her hands. How exactly did she imagine that, doctor dipshit?

Once she goes to stay at this creepy,  secluded boarding house, things get even weirder. Her doctor is convinced she will be safe there (oh yeah, staying at Motel Hell way out in the boonies will really be a big help). And I still don't really trust her dumbass husband, but I guess he's the best of the bad options she has. I feel bad that she's always looking for other people to lean on, and they take that power they have over her and use it to hurt her. She'd probably be better leaning on herself, even if she is going crazy. The movie tries to get over-explainy at the end and it's annoying, because it's such a jarring break from the surrealism in the rest of the movie that I could have done without it. This movie is a headache,  but it was an interesting experience,  so I'm  still glad I watched it.

2018 October Horror Challenge #88: "Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich"

 

This is another one of the endless Puppet Master sequels. This one is from 2018. I'm not sure if this movie is going to be good or terrible. You never know with horror sequels. This one is a Shudder exclusive, and it got mostly positive reviews on the site, so I'm  hoping it's at least a fun watch.

In this movie, Thomas Lennon plays Edgar, a recently divorced man who returns to his childhood home to stay with his parents until he can get back on his feet. Soon after arriving, he finds a mysterious puppet among his dead brother's belongings.  His hometown is holding a convention to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the infamous Toulon murders (the puppet murders from the original puppet master movies...dude, who holds a conventionto commemorate a bunch of grisly murders? Rude). His puppet bears a resemblance to to original murderous puppets, so he decides to sell the puppet at the convention to make some extra money, but soon a evil force reanimates this and the other puppets at the show, and the puppets go on a killing spree. 

There's some cool gore right near the beginning. I'm a sucker for a good severed head shot. The puppets are really cool looking, too (but if I found a puppet with a razor sharp hook hand, I wouldn't play around with it, especially if I were a grown adult and I knew about the original Toulon murders because they were real and they happened in my hometown).  Seriously,  look at this thing:

If any toy is going to come to life and kill you, it's this one.

There's actually an overabundance of gore in this movie. These puppets are MEAN. They burn people alive, slash their throats,  hack open their legs, eviscerated them. Bloody and disgusting, which is fun. The movie takes place in some alternate universe to the original movies, because in those movies Toulon was against the Nazis, but in this movie he is an evil Nazi himself. Screw continuity,  amirite? But it means we get evil Nazi puppets, so I  guess I can't complain. The acting is surprisingly not terrible in this movie, especially when  compared with other low-budget horror flicks, but some of the dialogue is hilarious. One of the cops actually utters the line "this incident is starting to turn into a happening." Thomas Pare plays the cop who actually says this line. It's hard to play the straight man in a ridiculous movie like this, but he pulls it off well and he's a lot of fun to watch. Abbot and Costello meet Columbo and the killer puppets.

Like I said before,  the gore is really over-the-top in this movie, but that not necessarily a bad thing. I suppose they knew this movie wasn't going to be a cinematic masterpiece, so they threw buckets of blood at us to make up for any flaws the movie might have. The puppets being Nazis and the killings all being hate crimes adds some nuance to the movie's plot. Plus the puppets have some new powers I don't think I've seen before. It's kinda cool seeing the old puppets I recognize from the original movies given a revamp and more powerful than I've ever seen them. The acting was better than I expected, there were actually some characters I liked, and there was lots of cool gore. This was a fun movie.

2020 October Horror Challenge #87: "Madhouse (1981)"

 

I knew I wasn't imagining this movie! So I already watched a movie called "Madhouse" for the challenge this year, and when I watched that movie, I was expecting this movie, a slasher from the 80s, so I was really confused ("wait, why is Vincent Price in this movie? Why is there no deformed twin sister stabbing people?!") I swore I remembered seeing that movie over the years in video store, with the awesome VHS cover and the mutilated body at the bottom of the stairs and the bloody knife. I had just about decided I was imagining this movie, but it's on the Shudder streaming service, so ha! It proves this movie is real! It looks really creepy too, so I can't wait to finally see it.

This movie is about a woman named Julia, who is a teacher for deaf students, and she lives a relatively normal life except for her deformed, psychotic twin sister Mary, who lives in an asylum. Julia was tortured and tormented by her Mary when they were kids, but she's safe from that now, right? Unfortunately,  her sister is hell-bent on escaping the asylum and giving Julia a bloody surprise for her birthday this year.

Mary, the crazy sister in this movie is really fucked up. Like she scared even me, and that's hard to do. She's so cruel and brutal, and even though she's obviously got problems (or she wouldn't be in an ASYLUM, duh) everyone acts like her sister Julia is ridiculous to be afraid of her. Supposedly nobody knows about the torture Mary put Julia through when they were kids, because she was afraid to tell anyone, but Mary is openly hostile toward her sister during their visit at the beginning of the movie, and she doesn't even try to hide it, so I have a hard time believing no one ever saw her hurt Julia over the years. They just didn't WANT to know so they pretended it didn't happen and failed to do their job and protect Julia. Great work, everyone. You suck and almost all the deaths in this movie are your fault 

This movie is really dark (and I mean lighting wise). There are plenty of scenes where it's hard to see anything going on because it's way too dark. This does work to make the movie more creepy, though. The music is kinda...weird and off-kilter, but it fits the odd nature of the movie, so it actually works, even though it hurt my ears.

Some of the characters in this movie really piss me off.  Julia has an uncle who is a priest, and not only does he refuse to listen when she tries to tell him how she's afraid of her twin sister Mary because of the cruelty and abuse, but later in the movie he preaches a whole passive-aggressive sermon about how a sister who denies her sister love is a sinner and should repent. Really subtle, asshole. I'm sure God is impressed with you using him as a weapon to punish your family members under the guise of preaching. Get over yourself. That guy just keeps being a smug jerk, too. Even as more evidence piles up, he refuses to believe Mary could be doing anything to hurt Julia, and he insists it's all in Julia's head and she just feels guilty for "mistreating" her sister over the years (by refusing to visit her and put up with more abuse). Didn't this girl have anyone in her life that knew how to be an adult and stand up for a kid? It makes me want to puke on all the adults in her life.

There's a big twist at the beginning of the final act, and some truly brutal and gory murders. I give credit to the killer for being extremely creepy, but also so annoying I wanted to gouge out my own ears with a power drill. And what the hell is up with the brutal animal deaths in the movies I've been watching today? Did they just not care as much about animals in the 80s? I have to say, the ending of this movie bears more than a passing resemblance to another slasher movie I've seen called "Happy Birthday to Me," and I know they were made at about the same time, so I'm not sure who's ripping off who, or if anyone was a ripoff at all, but the conclusion is so bloody and cool that I honestly don't care, I just enjoyed watching it. This movie is frustrating and it gets under your skin and stays there, so in the end I was really impressed,  even though I was also pissed.

2020 October Horror Challenge #86: "Deadly Games (1989)"

 

I was halfway convinced that I had hallucinated or imagined this movie. It was released in 1989 and was only available by bootleg for years. I thought I'd heard tell of a movie with an evil killer Santa Claus where a little boy goes all commando and fights him, but I hearn nothing more about it over the years, so I mostly thought I was combining "Toy Soldiers" and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" in my head or something. But this is a French horror movie, and indeed, it does exist. Thanks to the Shudder streaming service, I get to check this movie out this year. What fun.

So this came out before "Home Alone," but it bears more than a passing resemblance to that movie. A little boy is home almost alone (just he and his half-blind diabetic grandfather) on Christmas eve,  when he decides to stay awake and catch a glimpse of the real Santa Claus. Unfortunately,  a psychotic killer dressed as Santa Claus breaks into his house, and he is forced to set up traps and try to outwit the killer and stay alive.

This movie caused a lot of controversy much for the same reasons "Silent Night, Deadly Night" did. Santa is supposed to be a benevolent lover of all children, so turning him into a sadistic killer skeeves people out. Plus this one is especially freaky, targeting and stalking a little boy all while giggling with sadistic glee. There's a violent animal death about 30 minutes into the movie, and that's when the boy (Thomas) realizes that Santa is out to hurt him. That would really creep me out, and he wants to save his grand too, of course, so he's forced to try to survive while towing around a crippled old man. Poor kid.

This movie is definitely a lot darker than "Home Alone." Santa stalking angrily around the house is really creepy, especially after we see him kill an animal and destroy a car in anger. I love you Thomas has a little mullet and dresses up like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie "Commando." He's so resourceful and tough that it's easy to forget he's just a little boy. But a terrifying scene on a snowy roof where Thomas is crying for his mommy really drove home how scared this poor kid is. Another scene where Santa is stalking the blind grandpa with a knife is really scary too. Dude, this movie is fucked up.

One of the saddest things about this movie is that Thomas thinks the killer really us Santa Claus, and that he's attacking because he's mad that Thomas stayed up late to see him instead of going to sleep. Poor kiddo. He really is a tough kid. Even getting stabbed doesn't stop him. He's better in a crisis than most of the adults in the  movie. His mother totally cops out, and I wanted to scream at her. I get that she's worried, but her kid is being literally physically attacked and he doesn't fall to pieces. Buck up, lady. The final showdown is great, and the psycho Santa actually gave me chills, so I'm pretty impressed. I'm glad this movie really exists, and that I finally got to see it.

2020 October Horror Challenge #85: "Twins of Evil"

 

Every time I watch these movies set during the Salem witch trials, I always get sad. I know these movies are overdramatized, but many women and others were actually burned and tortured under suspicion of being witches. With all my quirky oddities, I know I'd be one of the first ones in line to be burned, and thinking about this cruel evil that was perpetrated on many innocent people is just depressing.

In this movie, identical twin sisters come to live with their uncle after the death of their parents. They live in the shadow of a brooding old castle that is said to be a home for vampires. One of the twins is innocent, but one falls under the spell of the evil Count who lives in the castle and becomes a vampire. Which girl is evil, though? It's pretty easy to guess, actually,  even if you don't see one of the movie posters that gives everything away.

Peter Cushing plays a devout witch hunter in this movie. He is the girls' uncle, and he is obsessed with ridding the land of evil (where "evil" is defined as anything he doesn't like or understand). In this movie he is contrasted with Count Karnstein, played by Damian Thomas, who is just as preachy and overbearing and smug, but he worships Satan instead of God. They're a couple of blowhards, and they both do a lot of evil and hurt a lot of people, all in the name of different gods. 

There's some cool effects in this movie. One character is bitten by a vampire, and we see their reflection in a mirror slowly disappear as they turn from human to vampire in front of our eyes. That's a great shot, proving you don't have to spend millions on cgi to make your effects special. There's also a scene where a cross burns into a vampire's hand that actually looks real enough to make me cringe.. There's some good shots of vampires attacking victims and drinking their blood, and a graphic stabbing death that happens near the beginning of the movie. Plus some poor girls get burned at the stake. Humans can be just as cruel as vampires, clearly. Makes you wonder who the real monsters are. 

Gustav makes my blood boil in this movie. I love Peter Cushing, but he does a great job playing a douchebag in this movie. What kind of unbelievable asshole would  bring a murder victim into a class full of teenagers just to taunt the teacher? "Hey, you don't believe in vampires? Well look at this mutilated victim!" That's just all kinds of fucked up. He gives this speech later on about how he's always tried to be a good man, but I don't feel any sympathy for him. You don't get to burn a bunch of people at the stake and then whine about how you're misunderstood.

The climax of this movie really pissed me off. It had me cussing at the screen. God save us from your followers who are so sure they're doing what is right even while they do unspeakably evil things in your name. The ending to the movie is really great though, and we finally get to see the whiniest character in the whole movie actually do something useful. There's some more cool death/transformation effects here too. Overall this movie is a lot better than I expected it to be, and I'm definitely glad I checked it out.