October Horror Challenge 2023 #57: "Jack and Diane"

I read a lot of fanfiction about this movie. It captured the hearts of a lot of people who then wrote about it, crafting some good stories to go with the characters (always with lots of hot lesbian sex). A lesbian werewolf romance movie sounded like a sure thing. I'd heard of lesbian vampire movies (who can forget the works of Jess Franco?) but I'd never heard of a lesbian werewolf movie before, so I've been waiting to watch this movie for awhile, and i finally decided today is the day.

This movie is about two teenage girls, Jack and Diane, who meet and almost instantly fall deeply in love (or lust, whichever way you want to look at it) and the movie chronicles their whirlwind romance. Diane is blonde and kind of ditzy, seeming spaced out most of the time and prone to nosebleeds. Jack is more laid-back and masculine, spending most of her time lounging around and drinking beer with her friends. They don't have much on common, but when they meet, they instantly feel a connection to one another, a kind of animal attraction, and they want to spend most of their time together, much to the chagrin of Diane's strict aunt and Jack's other friends. They feel like they're destined to be together. But what are these strange nightmares Diane keep having, and will their love be able to stand the test of time?

Now look, i just made the movie sound interesting, and i bet you want to see it now. I understand because i was in the same boat when i first heard about this movie. But please take it from me, you DON'T want to waste your time with this movie. The stuff i outlined above, enough to fill a whole paragraph, is all that happens in this movie, and the rest of its hour and 45 minute runtime is spent with shots of people staring off into space, or shots of people staring at each other for uncomfortably long periods of time, or people masturbating (seriously, it happens three times with three different people The characters aren't well developed, we barely know anything about them, and what we do know makes them very unlikable. Riley Keogh plays Diane in this movie, and she sleepwalks through her performance. seriously, i love her, but no. This movie starts nowhere, does nothing, goes noplace, and ends the way it began. As my friend observed while we were watching the movie, the plot flew away like a little bird, and not even some hot sex scenes can save this movie (not that there are any of those either, the sex scenes are all awkward and boring). Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.