Friday, October 4, 2019

October Horror Challenge 2019 #13: "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things"




Doesn't this movie have a great title? I've been wanting to watch this movie since I was a kid because seriously , awesome title guys. But aga9, I kept putting off watching it, and years passed, and suddenly years have passed. Timing is such a bitch. But thanks to the horror challenge, suddenly here I am finally watching this movie after all these years.

The movie is about a group of people who go to a spooky graveyard way out in the boonies to hold a seance and dig up a dead body, as you do. Unfortunately for these geniuses, dead people have started to come back as zombies and chow down on the living, so soon all hell is breaking loose. Why the hell do people in these movies always head to the most isolated places in existence where there's no help for miles around and then do stupid shit to piss off the zombies or ghosts or demons or whatever? They can't find a cemetery anywhere in a more populated area? Maybe they don't want to get caught, but I'd rather get caught than get eaten.

This is a really low budget movie, and it's old, so the effects are cheaper, but at least it's full of practical effects and not a load of cartoon-y CGI. I miss the days of practical makeup effects. The main hungry zombie lurking in the bushes here is actually kind of creepy looking. The makeup slapped on his face and the bad teeth poking out of his mouth actually make him look like a pale, sick guy, which is essentially what he is, so it works for the movie.

The leader of this ragtag group of wannabe grave robbers is a pretentious twatwaffle who seems to think he's a great showman. I don't really understand why anyone would follow him to a Burger King,  let alone to a creepy isolated graveyard in the middle of nowhere. He doe9seem to inspire much confidence, and the other people on the tour seem like some of them expect to actually dog up dead bodies while thr others think it's all a gag, and others seem to actually believe in the magic or whatever. I just don't get what they think they're going to accomplish. They seem to be actors, but it's unclear what they think they're acting in. Do actors in local plays or movies often go Grave robbing as a team building exercise? I get tired of them quickly and want them to get eaten so they'll finally shut up.

And then things just get...weird. yes, I understand that this is a horror movie with a wacky title, but when the characters are acting out scenes with a recently dug up corpse and talking with him and arguing with each other about whether or not the dead guy is mad at them...look, I just wanted to watch a bunch of people get chomped on by zombies, is that too much to ask? All the weird crap just takes up time and makes the movie drag way more than it should. Children shouldn't play with dead things, and neither should a bunch of washed up actors. Once we finally get to see some zombie action the movie is pretty cool, but I seriously could have done without the character development. I can't believe I'm complaining that a movie needs LESS character development, but these characters are so annoying the movie really would have been better without it. They're so stupid.  Seriously,  let's call upon the dead to rise for hours and then be surprised when zombies should up. What a load of bullshit. This movie should be called "Zombies Shouldn't Play with Dumb Things."

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