Feast (movie #61)

I want to stab the director of this movie. Right in the face. I mean, SOMEONE should stab him.

When I try to tell people why this is the most annoying movie ever made, they don't seem to understand why, so I try to list the reasons, and I get very heated. First, the movie is cut like a music video with frenetic jumps and jigs and jags that give you a headache if you look at the screen for too long. Second, the director thought it would be cute to have the screen freeze and have character bios flash across the screen during the first ten minutes of the movie (and throughout) which is the most godawful idea I can think of, except this director thought it would FURTHER be cute to have the character bios LIE to the audience and mislead us, which renders the entire practice moot and makes me want to pour sulfuric acid on his wounds after I stab him. So we learn who the characters are, but instead of being a competent storyteller and letting us find out about them as the movie progresses (like we would in a movie with half a brain cell behind it) we get these flashes that tell us that X is going to happen, and then hee hee hee something ELSE happens and see?!?! they believed me but I was lying to them and I'm the coolest director EVER for doing this! I can picture him cackling with glee thinking how cool he is. It makes me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. *turns into the Hulk*

I'm over the bullshit, forreal. I hate it when people think you can manufacture style like this. I'm trying to watch the movie and everything is jumping around and the screen keeps freezing to feed me misinformation about characters I don't give a shit about anyway,and I am at a loss as to why I should care. People point out that there's a lot of gore in this movie. So what? I can watch a movie with a lot of gore that doesn't suck ass. Why would I want to watch THIS movie? Yeah, the creatures eat people, and at one point one creature squeezes a guy's head until it pops, so yeah, the gore effects are cool. So? Again I remind you of the myriad movies with cool gore effects that actually have redeeming value. I don't need to watch this movie to see cool gore. Plus the characters are a bunch of incompetent idiots who fight and bicker and it's a miracle they can survive a thunderstorm without drowning, let alone an attack from otherworldly creatures. Even the ending (trying to be cool as it rips off an idea from "Just Before Dawn") can't save this mess. Again I ask why people even like this movie.