The Haunting Reflection of Horror: How They/Them Triggered Memories of Pine Rest
Horror has always been a lens through which I navigate fear and trauma, allowing me to confront danger from a safe distance. As someone who survived institutional abuse, I have relied on horror movies as a coping mechanism, using them to explore fear, powerlessness, and survival without being fully overwhelmed. The Peacock original film They/Them struck me with a force unlike anything I had experienced before. Its depiction of a conversion therapy camp mirrored aspects of my own lived experience, evoking both validation and intense psychological discomfort. Watching the film brought buried memories to the surface and forced me to confront trauma that has shaped my life for decades. To fully understand why They/Them impacted me so profoundly, it is necessary to contextualize my own experiences with institutional abuse and coercive therapy.
My Experience at Pine Rest
At seventeen, while in foster care, I faced a perilous situation at home. My probation officer considered sending me back despite repeated threats to my life from my brother. In a desperate attempt to protect myself, I took an entire bottle of pills, reasoning that if I survived, I would remain under supervision and avoid being returned to an unsafe environment. This led to my hospitalization and subsequent transfer to Pine Rest, an inpatient therapy facility in Grand Rapids, where I endured what they termed “reparative therapy.” The facility claimed it could “cure” deviant behavior, targeting not only my history of self-harm but also my gender-nonconforming presentation. The therapy itself was a combination of mind-control tactics and coercion: I was forced to write lines hundreds of times, obey arbitrary rules, and accept punishment for asserting autonomy. The methods were less about helping me heal and more about enforcing compliance and control.
One night at Pine Rest crystallized the terror and humiliation I experienced there. While attempting to adjust a shower curtain with a wire coat hanger, I was confronted by orderlies, accused of having a plan to harm myself, and escorted to the so-called “quiet room.” There, stripped naked and vulnerable, I faced Dr. Masterson, the head psychiatrist. He berated me while quoting Bible verses and threatened forced medication if I continued to cry. Eventually, I was coerced into taking a combination of powerful antipsychotics and tranquilizers. The psychological and physical disempowerment of that experience—being completely at the mercy of authority figures who could manipulate, punish, and humiliate at will—remains vivid in my memory, even though a dissociative fugue has erased some details. Attempts to report potential sexual assault were dismissed; the adults who should have protected me sided with the perpetrator. The trauma was compounded by the knowledge that no one believed me and that the abuse was normalized within the institution.
Connection to They/Them
They/Them brings these horrors into the cinematic realm, dramatizing a conversion therapy camp where authority figures wield coercive control over vulnerable teenagers. The movie mirrors the power dynamics I experienced at Pine Rest: arbitrary rules, threats of punishment, enforced compliance, and rituals meant to “correct” the natural behavior of queer and gender-nonconforming youth. Specific scenes—such as teenagers being isolated, punished, or coerced to comply with religiously framed rules—resonated deeply with my memories of sitting naked in a sterile room, crying under the scrutiny of a man with the power to dictate my reality. The tension, fear, and helplessness depicted on screen brought my own trauma vividly to life, forcing me to relive the psychological and emotional weight of institutional abuse.
Emotional Impact and Validation
The emotional response I experienced while watching the film was intense and multifaceted. I felt fear, anger, sadness, and grief—emotions that are typical for trauma survivors when confronted with reminders of abuse. Yet alongside these painful emotions, there was a profound sense of validation. Seeing a fictionalized representation of conversion therapy and institutional coercion confirmed that my experiences were neither imagined nor isolated; they were part of a broader, systemic problem that affects many vulnerable youth. Horror, in this case, allowed me to confront the truth of my trauma while providing a controlled environment in which to do so. Unlike my time at Pine Rest, where control was taken from me, watching the film allowed me to observe, process, and reflect with agency.
Representation and Social Implications
The film also underscores the importance of media representation for survivors of abuse. Conversion therapy, especially in institutional settings, is rarely depicted in mainstream media, leaving many survivors without validation. They/Them challenges that erasure, portraying not only the terror and abuse of such camps but also the resilience and humanity of the survivors. For someone like me, who endured coercive control and humiliation, seeing my experiences mirrored on screen was simultaneously triggering and affirming. It reminded me that while the abuse I suffered was deeply personal, it was also part of a larger societal problem, and my survival is a testament to resilience rather than weakness.
Moreover, They/Them invites reflection on the psychological mechanisms that allow survivors to endure trauma. Horror has long been my coping mechanism, a way to externalize fear and confront it safely. The film intensified this process, forcing me to navigate memories that had been compartmentalized or suppressed through dissociation. Each moment of tension, punishment, or threat in the movie echoed the real-life fear I experienced at Pine Rest, highlighting the lasting impact of institutional abuse on survivors’ mental health. It also emphasized the importance of acknowledging trauma rather than silencing it; in the movie, as in life, surviving abuse requires both awareness and resilience.
Beyond personal resonance, the movie prompted reflection on broader social issues. Conversion therapy, particularly in institutional settings, is a practice rooted in coercion, fear, and the suppression of identity. My experience at Pine Rest demonstrates the devastating effects of such environments: the erosion of autonomy, psychological trauma, and the lasting struggle with self-blame and shame. They/Them functions not only as entertainment but also as social commentary, shedding light on systemic abuses and validating the experiences of survivors. The film’s portrayal challenges audiences to confront uncomfortable truths about how vulnerable youth are often failed by the very systems designed to protect them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, They/Them impacted me more strongly than most horror films because it reflected the very real horrors I endured at Pine Rest. Its depiction of coercive control, punishment, and conversion therapy brought buried emotions and memories to the surface, allowing me to process them in a way that was both terrifying and validating. Horror, as a genre, has long been a tool for navigating trauma, but this film was different: it forced a confrontation with the past while affirming the reality of my survival. By representing the systemic abuses of conversion therapy camps, They/Them offers both a mirror for survivors and a warning to society, highlighting the dangers of institutional control and the resilience of those who endure it. The film reminded me that the trauma I survived was real, that my responses were human and valid, and that despite the abuse I endured, I continue to live, reflect, and bear witness to these stories.
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