Friday, October 3, 2014

October Horror Challenge #12 "Appollo 18"

I really REALLY hate writing reviews for movies like this.  The thing is, everyone who saw this movie when it came out warned me that it wasn't good, but I couldn't recall what they'd said was wrong with it until halfway through the movie when my brain had melted and was leaking out my ear and I was so fucking bored that I wished I could paint a wall just to watch it dry because THAT would be more interesting than the movie.  that's when I suddenly remembered "Oh yeah...everyone said it was boring."  I seriously thought at one point I had fallen asleep, but was dismayed to learn that I was indeed awake and simply staring at a screen where nothing was happening.  Ugh.

Then the last 20 minutes of the movie came, and suddenly stuff was happening, and there was an actual plot, and I was kind of intrigued...and then it ended, and I'm left trying to write about what happened in the movie, but if I talk about those final 20 minutes the movie will sound way more interesting than it was, and you all will go see it and then track me down and stab me for putting you through such boredom (plus I'll be a dick for giving away the end of the movie).  Either that, or I'll try to explain why the first hour of the movie is so boring, and you will snottily conclude that I just don't have the attention span to deal with a "slow building plot" or something, and fuck you.  I happen to be able to recognize when a movie is taking a long time to set up a plot, and that's not what this movie looks like it's doing.

It looks like literally nothing is happening, and then one character starts to freak out and be an asshole to everyone else, and by the end of the movie I realized why, but at the time it just looks like the guy is a dick and I got annoyed with him yelling all the time (and the movie managed to still be boring and lull me to sleep even with all that shouting going on...that takes talent).  I know that I'm being really vague, but I can't say much without spoiling the only thing that actually happens in the movie, and that would be rude, so I'll just say this.  Three astronauts travel to space in a top secret mission, and they find something that they'd never thought possible.  If you can stick around until the last 20 minutes of the movie, and you don't wander off to watch paint dry, you might enjoy the experience.  I'm glad I watched it, but I still think it took waaaayyyy too long to get to its point.

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