2020 October Horror Challenge #5: "Emelie"

 

I used to love reading The Babysitters Club books when I was younger, so I've always loved horror movies about babysitters. If there's a killer or monster stalking the babysitter, it's freaky to think about having to be at a strange house in charge of some strange kids while something evil stalks you. If it's an evil or creepy babysitter, it's freaky to imagine being the kid trying to survive in that situation when the person who's supposed to protect you is trying to hurt you. This movie looks like it's one of the latter, so it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Right from the beginning,  it looks like something bad is happening in this neighborhood. It looks like a typical small town, but something evil is lurking under the facade. Some unsuspecting parents are going on an anniversary dinner, so they pick up a babysitter they've never met before who's willing to help them in a pinch. Unfortunately,  it seems that the babysitter might not be who she seems to be, and their three kids might be in danger. The oldest son is kinda moody, but he also seems to be the only one who senses that there's something weird going on, so he might be the only one who can protect his little brother and sister.

This movie pulls off a slow burn pretty well. At first, the babysitter just seems a tiny bit off, a little weird, then things start to escalate until it's clear she's completely off her rocket, and the kids are definitely in danger. I'm pretty proud of the oldest son for figuring everything out when he does. Resourceful kid you got there. When you think about it, it's kind of crazy how people will leave their kids with someone they don't really know like this, but it used to happen all the time with families when I was younger. My friend who had a son used to require references from any babysitter she'd hire for her son, and she was diligent about checking them out, but some families I knew would hire someone who got their phone number off a poster they'd hang up in the grocery store looking for a sitter for their kids. It's scary to think that something like the situation in this movie could have easily happened to one of them. 

It makes the movie even more tense because once the plot gets going, these young kids have to figure out how to stop an adult who is bigger than them and stronger than them, and definitely not sane. Yikes. Talk about a nightmare. And the kids are good actors too, so they help pull off the plot. The sitter also does a great job with her performance,  going from normal, to just a little off, to even more crazy, to apeshit insane as the movie goes on. This is the kind of movie I look forward to watching this time of year, a creepy story that mixes just enough familiarity to be even scarier because I could see it actually happening to people I know. I definitely enjoyed this one.

2020 October Horror Challenge #4: "Spirit Animal (2019)"

 

My friend Maddie has been working hard on this movie for years, and I love slaahers and low-budget horror movies,  so I was excited to check it out! The only problem is that after watching the Dingo Pizza trailer on the DVD I want pizza (especially 2 medium 3 topping pizzas for $12.99 with a free 2 liter of pop...if you're reading this, Maddie,  I want my pizza).

The movie is about a campground that seems to be cursed by an evil spirit. It opens with a scene of some kids sitting around a campfire telling legends, an adult talking about spirit animals, and then some fun bloodshed. We fast forward to some friends deciding to spend New Years Eve camping and getting high, but whoops, they picked the cursed campground stalked by the psycho killer (I hate it when that happens).

I'm  a fan of the whole "80s horror shot on video" vibe. I like the trailer at the beginning of the movie for "Bathtub Shark Attack." It's clear that this movie was made by horror fans.. Love the "eat shit and live!" Sleepaway Camp reference FTW. I also like the music. It's actually kinda creepy and it definitely gives off an 80s music vibe. I even love how a lot of the dialogue sounds like it was put in the movie after the scenes  were shot, because that hearkens back to other cheapie horror flicks I remember like "A Night to Dismember" (nifty title, right?)

I like the characters too. I mean they're annoying, but they're still fun slasher victim type characters. I felt like I  was watching one of the Friday the 13th sequels (that's a compliment, by the way). I can definitely see myself in this movie. I would totally be wandering through  the woods drinking beer and trying to guide my way with a plastic toy compass. I think my friend Jason and I have actually done this before when we were drunk.

Other throwback stuff that caught my eye made the movie fun trying to pick out all the little hidden gems. Love the fake tarantula crawling across the old camp sign. The killer in a dog mask is actually kinda cool, and I like how he barks when he's wearing a dog mask, then moos when he's wearing a cow mask. I'm not going to tell you what he does when he'swearingthemonkey mask, but it'ssuper funny. I was cracking up sitting on my couch, and my cat kept rolling her eyes at me.

The main girl who's dealing with memories of her abusive boyfriend was a nice touch. I actually felt bad for her having nightmares, and I was rooting for her even when she did dumb shit like wandering around in the dark outside the cabin trying to figure out what made a weird noise. I say that because no matter how many horror movies I've seen, I'd probably do something dumb and get killed too (especially after I've had a few drinks...vodka makes stupid ideas sound much better). And once the cast has been whittled down and the killer is chasing his final victim through the woods, those scenes are surprisingly effective. Plus the scenes in the killer's lair are cool too (and really sticky and gross looking...I wonder how long that green goo takes to wash out of clothes?)

Let's be honest, this isn't the pinnacle of cinematic genius, but it's not supposed to be either, and the things that would probably annoy a lot of people are things that made me enjoy the movie (the talking angry tree was fucking awesome). The killer seeming to teleport and appear right behind people when they turn around reminded me of when I was 10 watching "Jason takes Manhattan" and I thought it was so cool that Jason could teleport like that. If you want to see someone getting hacked up with a pizza cutter, this is the movie for you! That actually looked kinda real. I hope all the actors are still alive! So yeah, not for everyone,  but you can probably tell whether this movie is for you or not. I had a blast.

2020 October Horror Challenge #3: "The Whispering Man"

 

This is one of those movies that Amazon Prime has recommended to me a bunch of times, because they know my viewing history and how much I enjoy watching found footage movies and horror movies, so I've been excited to check out this movie for months. I'm  hoping it's as much fun as it sounds.

The movie is about a young man and his brother whose lives start to change when their grandmother dies and they inherit a creepy painting. The grandma was convinced the painting was haunted but they don't really believe that. Her grandson is the one filming the movie and telling his family's story, how the painting affected them, and his video serves to show what happens when he goes to the grandma's house to clear out her belongings after her death.

People in these movies never want to believe that ghosts and hsuntings are real, even after truckloads of creepy things happen. Here, they're not in the house ten minutes before scary stuff starts happening,  and still they're like "duh, what made that noise? Let's go into the dark, terrifying attic to investigate." The painting is genuinely spooky, though, and no way would I be hanging that thing in my house. Seriously dude. One of the brothers is more skeptical than the other, but they both notice strange things happening (a radio keeps turning on by itself) so they finally install cameras hoping to catch footage of something. 

One problem with movies like this is that they have lots of long scenes where nothing happens, in order to set us up for a finale where something does happen, and it's shocking because of the uneventful footage that came before. Unfortunately,  the scenes where nothing happens can get really boring. The acting isn't always the greatest either, and some of the dialog is really clunky, which doesn't help matters. 

then when you've convinced yourself that the movie is bad because it's boring to watch nothing happen for an hour, the movie ratchets up the tension and stuff starts happening, but the characters do some things that are so stupid that you kinda wish you could go back to a simpler time when nothing was happening and you thought the lack of plot was why the movie was bad. Movies like this aren't THAT hard to make, so it gets on my nerves when one is bad, because all you need is halfway decent line delivery in between some scary scenes with light and darkness playing tricks with our minds and making us think we're seeing more than we actually do see. 

It's indeed so simple to make the movie work that there's almost no excuse for this type of movie to be bad. There are so many scenes that take place when characters are inexplicably gathered in front of a camera to have stilted, awkward conversations to try and pad the plot, and it makes no sense for them to be filming these conversations, plus the dialog is so clunky that I wanted to throw a brick at the screen. Plus then the actors that haven't been putting in great performances up to this point decide to try acting in earnest, and it just comes off as silly and annoying. Plus it doesn't know when to end. You're supposed to have something jump out and go "ooga-booga" and then the movie is supposed to end, not go on for 20 more minutes of footage thst is so dark it can't be shocking or even gory, it's just boring and it reminds you of other, better found footage movies, and you wish you were watching those instead. That's my advice,  skip this movie and watch something better.

2020 October Horror Challenge #2: "The Addams Family (2019)"

 

As a kid who loved all things spooky and weird, I loved The Addams Family. John Astin as Gomez was the best (I got to meet him years later in college when he starred as Edgar Allen Poe in the show "Once Upon a Midnight " and I was a huge, embarrassing fangirl, I assure you). I've enjoyed everything Addams Family related for most of my life, so I was excited to check out this adaptation when it was released last year. I finally got to watch it today.

This movie shows us how the Addams Family came to live in their house and build their weird little family. Later, once they're established in their home, they prepare for a visit from relatives, meanwhile a scheming television star plans to remodel their home, so it will blend into the neighborhood better and she can sell the whole neighborhood to buyers and make lots of money. Has the Addams Family met their match? Will greed be the end of the family's peaceful existence?

The movie actually made me laugh out loud more than once (I also spit almond milk on my phone at one joke). Well played, movie. I also like the plot, how the Addams kids want to know more about the world outside the gate that surrounds their secluded home. After seeing how Gomez and Morticia were treated like monsters for being different, it makes sense they would want to keep to themselves. The outside world is horrible,  yo. I would probably do the same thing if I could. 

The struggle between the oddball family and the outside world is relateable, which makes the movie more interesting for me. Once the family decides to try and make friends in the town below their estate, seeing them clash with the neighbors is familiar (individuality isn't always valued above blending in, amirite?) I can get behind the idea that they want to try and get along with their neighbors for the sake of their kids. Again, I'd probably feel the same way. I guess I  was meant to be a member of the Addams Family. I always suspected as much.

 The voice actors give a lot of spirit to the movie (get it? Spirit?) Chloe Grace Moretz absolutely nails her part as Wednesday Addams. Charlize Theron has some great lines as Morticia as well. I never knew she could be this funny. Color me impressed. 

This movie delves more into the idea that Wednesday wants to attend a local school in the town instead of being homeschooled as she was for most of her life. I was "homeschooled" as a kid too, which amounted to my mom paying tuition at an accredited homeschool so she could keep me home in her paranoid, delusional world where she could keep me "safe." I know there are good homeschooling parents, but my messed up childhood makes me relate to the feeling of wanting to go to school with other kids and fit in (and also being too weird to really fit in whenever I did try).

I also liked how Wednesday makes a friend at her new school and starts to want to dress more like her friend, which of course freaks out her mother, meanwhile the new friend wants to be more like Wednesday, which leads to the realization that by insisting that their kids be weird and different, the Addams' are actually forcing their kids to conform too, and it's not right when anyone does it. The best thing is to let kids (and adults!) be whoever they are and not stifle their creativity. A lot of kids' movies have similar messages,  but thie one is eerie and funny, so it's a cut above the rest, at least as far as I'm concerned. The end of this movie actually reminds me a bit of the ending to "We Have Always Lived in the Castle," and they both share some similar themes, but this movie is more fun. I dug it.

2020 October Horror Challenge #1: "Double, Double, Toil and Trouble"

 

I forgot how cute the Olson twins were when they were little. Years after their stint on the show "Full House," they're filthy rich because they made zillions of dollars with their merchandise, clothing line, and other products. They gained a committed fanbase after they starred in many movies like this one, fun family flicks that capitalized on their cuteness. Despite my love of all things Halloween, I've never seen this movie of theirs, even though it's a Halloween story, so i decided to rectify that fact and watch the movie for my horror challenge this year.

In this movie, twin sisters Kelly and Lynn learn that their evil great aunt Agatha is a witch who trapped her twin sister, their kind great aunt Sophia  in an enchanted mirror in her attic. The twins have to get her magic moonstone and use it to reverse the curse by midnight on Halloween or Sophia will be trapped forever. Typical kid's movie fodder, but it's a lot of fun.

Not only did I forget how cute the twins were, I forgot that it's not just their cuteness that makes their movies so fun. They have good comedic timing and line delivery. When they meet a nervous grave digger and ask him if he drinks a lot of coffee (and suggest he switch to decaf) it actually made me laugh out loud. There are adult actors who can't pull that off.

The other actors are fun too. Cloris Leechman plays a great evil witch, and Meshach Taylor is a hoot as a homeless man who helps the girls on their journey. I do wonder about the girls' genius parents who take hours to even notice they're missing, but in movies like this if the adults were smart, the movie would be five minutes long, so i guess it's ok. This movie is a lot of fun, and it would be a great way to introduce littler kids to your horror-loving hobby.

Head Cases...and why I am one

This is it, folks. One of the first horror movies I ever reviewed,  for a website called "Cinema Crazed."

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So what made this movie so special? You all know me, so you know I watch hundreds of horror movies,  and while I love most of them, what makes one stand above the rest? Well, as always,  it's complicated. 

While there are tons of "found footage " type horror movies now, this was one of the first horror movies that claimed to be part of the "found footage" type, which is video footage that is found after a horrible crime is committed. and since it was shot by the people in charge of the  crime, it offers insight into the crimes being committed.

So I approached this movie like any other horror movie submitted for review: like it was something I had just now seen and was willing to share my opinion.

So first of all, the killers in this movie are named Wayne and Andrea. At the time I watched this movie, back in 2009, two of my neighbors were a husband and wife named Wayne and Andrea, which made this even creepier for me (and they led a youth ministry at their church! Yeah, it just keeps getting more messed up, right?). Plus the director of this movie released another movie in the series to me, a hidden movie about the characters within the movie, and how they belong to a support group of other serial killers, who talk about their twisted desires during group meetings, and this bonus movie (SKINS, or Serial Killers in Need of Support) was actually stolen off my front porch when it was first delivered in the mail, but later it reappeared in its open envelope, like someone stole it but then returned it after watch9it, which is kind of hilarious when you think about it.  I counted this as a point to the movie's power.

So as I said, this movie is comprised mostly of a

Husband and wife who find their greatest joy in killing people. That's it. The husband finds joy in cutting the lawn to it's most particular distinctions, and also in hacking people to pieces in his basement, and the wife finds joy. in baking the tastiest apple pie and in mixing the best ginger ale punch that will put people to sleep and keep them asleep while Wayne cuts their throats.

Watching this movie, seeing them argue about the best way to subdue victims, and whether a pregnant victim counts as two victims while they carve out her fetus, or hearing them torture their own teenage daughter who may have seen too much,  is chilling.

So here I am, newly saved, graduated with a degree in English and literature and American Studies,  and I'm asked to write a review of this movie. Something i never mentioned in my original review is that one of my high school instru8who helped me get ready to take my GED so I could graduate from high school and start college, read some of my early movie reviews and said I wasn't really using my talent in support of God's kingdom, because writing about horror movie didn't draw people into God's kingdom. So since I respected her a lot, I was leery about reviewing "Head Cases," since it was a horror movie too. So in my review, I say it's scary, and I say it's  groundbreaking, but what I don't have the words yet to say is how it's important...so much more than it may ever know.

I, and I fear a lot of 90s kids, graduated in the time of school shootings and psychological evaluations, and fear of what may lay in our minds, and a lot of us were sent to "Christian counseling" that sought to mold us into whatever seemed most "normal" to our hosts, which often fell in the line of "gender conforming," "compliant, " etc. It took me years to see how that messed up what I saw around me, but let's review:

One of the most harrowing scenes in the movie "Head Cases" happens when the man and woman must handle their teenage daughter who witnesses their brutal crimes, and while the  wife pleads for her daughter's life, the husband must decide what has to be  done.

Take it as a teenage girl who once had to plead for her life in front of a mother who was holding onto love of someone who does violence...you never want to be found on the short side of that  stick. Because in the end, you are found worthy of death, and not life, because the person who should be your advocate no matter what loves your abuser more than she loves you.

So if you've  seen the movie,  you know what path was chosen by the mother and father, and you know what happened in the end. But for the sake of this review, I ask you to try to view this movie as one who hasn't seen many horror movies,  but who has seen the true horror of twisted desires that are worth more than a child'slife, to see the stigma as one who has confessed the truth instead of one who has chosen life. Because there will always be those families, together, that cast people out, but think they are strong because they are still together, stronger than the lone person who stands against the group and says they are wrong. You think the truth is always the winner, and it8slways best to speak out, until you9standing in th ed cold alone against a group that is so much bigger than you.

When I first wrote my original review of this movie, I posted a blog post as one who was confused with the movie as presented, and I asked what the motivation was for the characters who chose to tell the story as presented, even if it was confusing to viewers, and I was shocked when the director of the movie actually answered me, and he explained that the movie, while told from the killer's perspective, it may say on the surface that the accepted narrative given by Wayne and Andrea is true, but there's a bigger group behind the releasing of the murderous footage, a group who know the truth, so it's almost as if some larger force is letting the footage scroll by because they were trying to catch the guilty parties in a trap, and that's what happens at the end of the movie. It seems like the movie is saying "darkness and evil wins, but you have to look closer, because there is more going on behind thescenesthanyou know."

So here, I tell you, for the first time, what has opened my heart in recent years, and that when I first reviewed this movie. I only saw what was explicitly presented, so I thought it was a movie about evil and the people who commit evil, those horrible people who do horrible things.  But this movie was about something bigger. The evil that lurks behind everyday life. About dads who fix the engine of the car, and moms who make lemonade,  but who as also crush sleeping pills into their ginger ale punch . Who might see you slit open on a table, who might like the horror of the evil intruding on the banal landscape of the ordinary.

I don't  know if I'm ready for the ordinary, everyday evil that lurks in the shadows. Sometimes it seems bigger than I am, and that scares me. But I also know that I've dealt with it every day of my life so far, and I know if anyone can portray the banality of everyday evil and the power of redemption. It's Anthony Spadaccini and "Viscera," his movie which showcased horror and it's aftermath. So I wait, in hope of the light.  And I hope  you, my friends, will  wait for me too. For the hope that comes  from horror.

Anyway (and in addition)

So I'm watching the movie "Frozen" for the first time right now. My cousin bought a subscription to Disney+, and she wanted to share the magic with me, so she gave me her password, and this is the first thing I thought of watching . I've watched almost the entire movie through with clips and previews,  but I've never just sat down and watched the entire thing from beginning to end, and a lot if things struck me.

First, it must be terrifying to be like Elsa, to have powers that you don't understand. Everything she touches freezes. That must he horrible. She is taught she can create beautiful things, like snow covered frozen trees and fields. These are beautiful.  But also she can hurt those she loves the most. She can freeze them and effectively freeze them to death, kill everything she touches. Conceal your powers. Don't feel the pain, learn to control it.

And what does she get? An empty existence where everything around her is cold and frozen, but she's gotten used to it, and the cold never bothered her anyway. So what has she lost? Nothing, if she really had nothing to begin with.

Last week I tried to talk to some people in my church. I tried to make them understand why people like me, broken people,  might be afraid of church, might be hesitant to go to church at all, because we've only seen the worst that the world has to offer, and we know nothing of grace and the beauty it could bring to the world. It went badly,  I'll say. I didn't say it right, and I don't think they understood.  Sometimes I think I don't understand either. I know abuse and fear and timidity and pain, but not much that gives me hope.

So if you'll remember, a million years ago, I  started writing about a writer called Robert Dunbar and his books, and how though they're full of horrible things, they give me hope, because they point toward something bigger than my fear and my horror,  something good, something worth fighting for.

My cousins and I, we know of fear and horror and bad things. We know of all the bad the world has to offer, but we used to play together in the fear and the muck when we were kids, and we would always hope for something better. I remember once wading through a swamp with my cousins Nikki and Derek and Tommy and having a long conversation about how so many things were horrible in our lives, but as we stepped on leeches and snakes and rotten things, we hoped to come out on the other side and find something better. Something better than we ever hoped we could find in our worlds of darkness and poverty and pain.

So now, as a 30...almost 40 something, this movie means more than it ever would have meant to 10 year old me, who could never hope for anything bigger than the tiny world I had known. Today my cousin told me about how she felt hopelessness as a kid, but when she met me she learned to hope for more than she could see, because I had a whole imaginary world I played in where anything was possible, and she said that thanks to me, she viewed something she couldn't see before, some future and some hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a promise that God has a plan for our lives, a plan to give us a future and a hope. At one point in my life, I remember lying naked on a floor in the dark, and I had nothing, literally nothing to live for, and I couldn't even pray, because all I could see was darkness, and I couldn't find any words to say, but I remembered Jeremiah 29:11 and a future and a hope, so I said that, over and over, rocking back and forth and hugging my knees to my chest.

I want to write more about these experiences, but before I can even do that, I feel like I have to lay the foundation for why it's so important to me. Horror movies and books and stories have always resonated with me,  because I knew so much dark and evil, but in those stories, people would try to fight the evil with whatever they had. Maybe they lost, but at least they tried. I've been given so much crap all my life for loving horror movies. I've even been told that in my heart I know Jesus doesn't want me to watch those movies, and I try to make excuses because I don't really love him.

First of all, fuck you. Second of all, did it ever occur to anyone that sometimes people like horror movies because their life experiences look more like a horror movie than anything else? Maybe we need to see that people can fight evil. No one is saying everyone has to like horror,  or even understand it, but it would be nice if people didn't shit all over the only thing that has helped me through the darkest times in my life. Even before I had words to explain why, I loved seeing people fight monsters. It gave me hope that I could fight them, too.

When I was little I did that, I created worlds in my mind where people were strong and where people stood up against evil and won, because that's what I hoped would happen, that people would fight the evil and win. I had to believe there was a parting between me and the evil, that there could be a way out. I saw the evil, the bad things I could do, that we all could do, and it made me afraid, but I had to believe there was a possibility that I could do good too, or there was no hope, and I should give up now.

So when Elsa sang this,  I felt it in my heart:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I'm the queen

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

Let it go (go, go, go go, go go, go go, go, go, go go)

Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway...


Girl, tell me about it! I got so used to the cold at some point that I'm sure these could have been my words. And those who should nurture and protect me had gotten so used to the cold that they saw nothing wrong with providing me gear to survive the cold instead of trying to make it warmer...

See, in therapy we hear the warnings about this. Trying to learn to like the cold instead of trying to warm things up.  See. The abused people try to learn to like the cold as it is, instead of trying to make it be warmer. We try to learn to adapt to the cold around us instead of trying to change it. It's a whole big thing, learning to identify in our lives things that need to change instead of letting them stay awful and being stuck in our past patterns of abuse and horror. So anyway, I've heard this song before, how I should learn to use who I am to get me through the bad, instead of letting who I am make me stronger and protect me for whatever is to come to change the bad and make it better.


It's scary, leaping into the unknown and trusting that who you are will guide you through, no matter what happens.

So Robert Dunbar (remember him?) Wrote this whole long story across three books that I'll hope you follow me through to read about, because it's horrifying and yet beautiful in its horifyingness, but one thing that it says above all else is that sometimes horrible things happen, and we are hurt, but we can find beauty in the brokenness. This is why I see a pattern between all the frozen brokenness and all the good that can come after,  when all the broken pieces put themselves together and people can weather what remains of the storm together.

I know, I'm nuts. But I've lived 38 years with this broken beautifulness, and if I've learned anything, it's that God is bigger than me,  and he can shine his truth though the darkest night. That's probably a messed-up thing to draw as a conclusion between myself and the unknown, but I'm trusting that god is bigger than me, and that God can reach through the darkness and find light where I don't see any light. He's good at doing that. So let us trust God,  the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, and Eileen and Robert Dunbar,  and all of us. The God that is bigger than us is capable of everything, so let us trust that  And read and write, and not be afraid.

Amen.