October Horror Challenge 2018 #43: "Dead House (2018)"

Cool poster, right? Amazon keeps recommending this movie to me, so I finally decided to check it out. It's a low budget home invasion horror flick with a twist, so right up my alley, I guess. It's about a group of criminals who break into people's houses and then film themselves robbing and raping and torturing and murdering them. This time, they've broken into the wrong house. The dad in this family is a scientist who does some mysterious work for the government, and his basement is full of nasty surprises.

This movie has nudity in the opening credits, which is usually an indicator of a terrible movie ahead. Every one of the actors has a different accent, so I don't know where its supposed to take place. Foreignlandia, I suppose. The actor who plays the leader of the gang of criminals graduated from the "act by yelling" performance school.

There are also lots of awkward moments where everyone stands around staring at each other, making the movie feel much longer than it's running time. And the lead criminal, when he's not screaming at everyone, is busy giving long, vulgar speeches that are supposed to be menacing but are really just tedious. Seriously. It's just annoying. It feels like these scenes are several hours long instead of several minutes. Send help.

Once things FINALLY start happening after what seems like YEARS of boredom, there's some cool gore and some cool kills, but we still have to listen to preachy, over-explainey killer dude for much longer than is strictly necessary. It gives me way too much time to ponder other questions, like why would the government run such an important secret project in some guy's basement in the suburbs? Why are all these characters so unlikable? Who are we supposed to root for? Why would anyone write a rap song about this movie? No, I'm not kidding with this one, it plays over the end credits. Look, I'm not kidding when I tell you to skip this movie. The end credits are better than the whole rest of the movie and I'm not even joking (plus we learn important exposition that would have made the movie make more sense, like how it's apparently supposed to take place in the US). Just watch something else instead.