Monday, October 9, 2017
October Horror Challenge 2017 #31: "Stitches"
About, oh, three minutes into this movie I realized I made a terrible mistake, but by then it's too late, because my rule with this challenge is that if I start a movie, I finish it, no matter how bad it is, so I'm stuck watching this movie all the way through, whether I want to or not (if it weren't for this rule, I'd probably turn off a LOT of movies once they got stupid, and that would waste a lot of my time and make it harder to fit in 100 movies this month, so the rule is a good one, even if it means I have to stick with horrible crap once I start watching it).
So what was it about this movie that convinced me it was going to be so bad right away? Well, it quickly became clear that this was a "comedy," and as you might know, horror "comedies" are the bane of my existence, because they're much more likely to be stupid rather than funny, and I don't have a lot of patience for that. Especially since I can see right away that this movie is from the "hur hur hur, the clown has sex and says "fuck" and that's funny!" school of comedy. Oh joy.
So let's pretend this movie has a plot and I'll tell you what it's about. A vulgar clown performs at a kid's birthday party, something horrible happens, and six years later, the kid I'd a troubled teen with nightmares and psychological problems, a distant mother and a bunch of asshole classmates who are just asking to get massacred. In fact, seeing them get killed might be the best part of the movie.
I'll give credit where credit is due here, one thing this movie does well is the gore. I could have done without the extreme staginess of it that's supposed to make it "funny," but the movie is pretty blood soaked, so at least there's good gore. None of the characters are really likeable, but seeing them get killed off is mildly entertaining. I might be more inclined to give this movie a break if I hadn't recently seen a clown horror movie that managed to mix horror with some comedy and actually have characters I gave a crap about. I understand that British humor is supposed to be really sarcastic, but I'm a sarcastic person, and this "humor" just makes the characters annoying. The movie is short and I still felt like it was hours and hours of my life that I'll never get back. I could see hints here and there (with some creepy moments and some good gore) where this movie could have been good, but overall it just falls flat in a pile on my last working nerve and makes me wish I'd watched something else.
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