I Get the Joy of Rediscovering You

So I got to watch a Taylor Swift tribute concert this past Saturday and it was pretty awesome, but the best part was what I got to see that other people had to miss because they didn't even know it was happening right in front of them.

So I went to the concert with my friend Katelynn, and because we were going that meant that her brother Mayson had to go too. Mayson is not a Taylor Swift fan, so he wasn't enthused about having to go to the concert at all. The show started and Mayson was sitting off to my right kinda rolling his eyes at all the crazy fans dancing in the aisles, but as time went on he got up and went down to the stage and started getting into the music and dancing along with the band who were all in, jumping up and down, dancing with us crazy fans and having a blast. The lead singer introduced the next song, and it wasn't one I really liked, so I kinda sat back and zoned out for a bit, but then I looked up and what did I see? Mayson up dancing and singing along with the song! He was so into it that I couldn't help but get up and dance with them all. The song was "Out of the Woods," and damned if I don't just love that song now. Every time I hear it I think of Mayson dancing and I can't help but love it right along with him.

One of my favorite songs is "Faithfully" by Journey, and my favorite line in the song is when he sings "And being apart ain't easy on this love affair Two strangers learn to fall in love again I get the joy of rediscovering you Oh, girl, you stand by me I'm forever yours Faithfully" and one of my favorite moments of hearing that song was when they covered the song on Glee, because I forgot how much I love that song until I got to hear it again from someone else who was just discovering how great the song is. And I feel blessed, because I get the joy of rediscovering that song again and again.

Interview with Internationally Known Author Mateo P. Chavez!

As my readers probably know by now, I love me a good smut book, and Steamy Summer, by Mateo P. Chavez, is very good! I had a blast reading this book, and you should all go get it and read it too if you, like me, love a good smut book! I was excited to get a chance to chat with Mateo P. Chavez about his writing and his life, and it made for a pretty interesting interview, if I do say so myself. Check it out below!

Tell me about yourself and your writing?

I've always cherished reading. Writing, however, came to me later, as I never believed I'd be good enough. My mother used to take me to the library every three weeks, and together we'd select a few books. 'Goosebumps' by R.L. Stine was my first true literary crush. His tales were terrifying as a child, and I often envisioned myself as the lead character. Being visually oriented, I immerse myself in the stories I read. Each book creates a vivid world within my mind. This is why I struggle with 'movies over books'—while a film may match your expectations, the worlds and stories conjured in your mind often feel more real.

How did you get into writing?

I've always enjoyed writing stories, whether in my diary or as short narratives. However, it's only in the past few years that I've mustered enough confidence to publish my books as well. In my daily life, I'm quite outgoing, but when it comes to work or writing, I often feel a bit insecure. I think this insecurity stems from the fact that a book becomes immortalized. I sometimes liken it to going out. A decade ago, when I went out, nobody brought their phones or cameras. You could let loose without the fear of waking up to a drunken video on the internet the next day. Now, you're more cautious because there's a lot of judgment. I feel the same way about publishing. Once your story is released, there's no going back. It's out of my control. That realization sometimes scares me.

How can you describe your style?

I'd say my writing style is pretty straightforward, but I always try to sneak in a bit of sarcastic humor— I would say that's my signature. At first, finding the right balance was tough. A friend pointed out that my humor didn't always match the vibe I was going for, especially when things got steamy. So, I went on a quest to find that perfect mix. I'm a firm believer that humor and storytelling go hand in hand, but nailing the combo takes some serious finesse. I also love dropping little easter eggs throughout my stories. Some of my LGBTQ+ readers have already spotted them in 'Steamy Summer' and 'Office Obsession'. They're subtle. To me, these little gems add depth to the reading experience without overpowering the narrative. Without giving too much away, I'm confident that any reader will find them after diving into my upcoming book, slated for release in March

What interests you about writing?

For me, the process of creation is the most rewarding, despite its challenges. Sometimes, you stare at a blank page for hours, and other times, you must 'kill your darlings.' You might feel immensely proud of a piece you wrote, only to wake up hours later hating it. While this might seem discouraging, I embrace the struggle because it feels like I truly deserve the final outcome. It's an organic process. It all starts with a big or small idea, and when you're finished, you've crafted something that exists in only one form in the entire world. Despite the possibility of hundreds of copies, the story you've created is unique—it's never been written before. I make an effort to pause sometimes and express gratitude for every reader. Every time someone buys my book or reads it, I'm filled with appreciation, especially when a reader takes the time to reach out with their thoughts and ideas. I never imagined this would happen to me. It's truly incredible

Have you got any favourite authors?

I’m a big fan of Susanna Clarke and Becky Chambers. When it comes to MM I also like Thomas Carver.

What, in your opinion, makes for a good smut book?

In writing, it's crucial to explore boundaries while staying true to yourself. Within the diverse community of writers and readers, there are generally two main groups of smut writers: those who focus solely on erotica and those who blend erotica with fantasy, romance, or other elements. Regardless of the genre you prefer to write or read, I believe strong character development is key for readers to deeply connect with the protagonist and become fully immersed in their journey. A truly impactful smut book should elicit cheers from readers and ignite a sense of vicarious happiness for the main characters, or inspire a desire to be part of a hot, steamy scene. If I can evoke lust or other positive emotions using only my words, then I consider it a success.

What drew you to write M/M erotica?

Two things are on my mind. Firstly, I craved a challenge. Writing Erotica feels like walking naked—exciting yet scary, liberating, and arousing. It's about shattering society's awkwardness around nudity and sex. I'm drawn to MM stories because they often feel like a guilty pleasure, but they're not. It's the emotional rollercoaster of reading that pulls me into MM erotica. Secondly, it's time Erotica stepped out of the shadows. Sex, love, and desire are universal feelings, yet they carry a stigma. While Erotica becomes more accepting, MM erotica lags behind. It's still tough to admit you write or read MM content. In an ideal world, it wouldn't be such a big deal

What's your favorite horror movie?

It's difficult to pick just one favorite. As I mentioned earlier, I adored Goosebumps by R.L. Stine as a child. One title that sticks out in my memory is "Night of the Living Dummy." It haunted me for nights, leaving me terrified of my own toys. Seeing Chucky immediately reignited the fear I felt for, I believe, Slappy, right? So, it's a favorite due to the memories it evokes. However, I also adored "The Blair Witch Project" and "The Shining

What's your favorite romance?

I don't particularly have a favorite romance movie. When it comes to books, I would say "A Little Life" or "Achilles," but if I had to choose a movie, I'd opt for something from Xavier Dolan. "Les Amours Imaginaires" is one of my favorites; I'm a bit of a sucker for Xavier Dolan

Are you LGBTQ+?

Yes, I'm gay. It wasn't always easy to say it like this, but I'm proud. I'm also a big fan of LGBTQ+ people supporting each other in their arts and in life in general. We need to fight together

Do you have an opinion on whether God accepts LGBTQ+ people?

That's a tough question. To be completely honest, I was raised Catholic, but I don't believe in God. Or at least, I think I don't. I say 'I think' because sometimes I find myself wrestling with belief, an internal struggle that persists. Is it because I genuinely want to believe, or is it driven by fear of what might happen if I'm wrong? Nevertheless, I'm completely convinced that if there's a God, regardless of the form that presence might take, they love everyone, regardless of sexual orientation

Do you think LGBTQ+ topics are becoming more accepted in the media? Why or why not?

I don't believe your readers want me to delve too deeply into politics. However, in general, I believe things are improving. We've fought hard over the past decades, but unfortunately, in recent years, I've noticed a more conservative movement emerging, attempting to erode the freedoms we've fought so hard for. This indicates to me that the fight isn't over yet. When I'm out on the streets or surrounded by friends, colleagues, and family, I'm convinced that things are improving 100%. However, when I'm on social media, I sometimes feel the opposite. Nonetheless, I feel more empowered than ever to push back and strive for a better future for all young people who are struggling.

What's your dream job look like?

That's an easy one. I'm sitting in my cabin at the edge of a forest, overlooking a serene lake, accompanied by my computer, a steaming cup of coffee, and my cat Tokyo, as I write.

Have you ever put any of your real-life experiences into your writing? How did that go?

Absolutely, I'm someone who finds inspiration in personal experiences. While I wouldn't assert that all my writing stems from real events, it's inevitably a fusion of encounters I've had, those I've imagined, and even those I've missed out on. Each story carries a part of me—a reflection inspired by a place (like in Steamy Summer), an emotion, or an actual moment from my life. Yet, out of respect for my surroundings, my writing also embraces a significant element of imagination. It's a delicate balance. This is not just because I enjoy it, but also because creating from nothing isn't my strong suit. I deeply admire dark fantasy MM writers, for instance. The stories they craft solely from imagination are something I can only aspire to achieve

Do you have any advice for young writers out there who want to write in your genre?

Don't wait like I did haha. Write, publish, and go for it. I've never had a better reason not to act than fear. Growing up as part of the LGBTQ+ community can be challenging; at times, I wished I were invincible, avoiding anything that might invite judgment. I filled my days by trying to "act normal." I missed out on experiences because of this mindset. Remember to write for yourself. If you're proud, your book is good enough. Like everything else, experience comes with practice, so don't be too hard on yourself. I'm proud of what I've written, even if it's not everyone's cup of tea. Be shameless and fearless. I know my best book is still to come, and I say that without diminishing the value of my previous works. Just publish your book and don't hesitate to ask others for help

In The End

This is the cover to one of author Ray Garton's books. It's the cover to the book "Bestial," not the cover to the book "Monsters," which is the book I'm talking about in this post, because "Monsters" isn't available for purchase anywhere online except in old, tattered copies of a book called "Night Visions 6: The Bone Yard," but you can get "Bestial" everywhere, so you should go buy that one and read it, because it's really good, too. I'm posting this cover in lieu of posting the cover to "Monsters" since it's not available, and "Bestial" has a really lurid cover that will give you an idea of the kind of book you're in for if you ever do get the chance to read "Monsters." I woke up yesterday screaming in a full-blown panic attack because I was having a nightmare. What was the nightmare about, you might ask? Oh, I was arguing with someone about a book I loved and suddenly I realized I was in hell and damned for all eternity to torture and pain. I have these nightmares a lot, though in recent years they've slowed down a little, thankfully. I think I had this nightmare again because I've been thinking a lot more recently about some people from my past who've died and how much I miss them, and these thoughts have brought up fee;ings from the past that refuse to stay buried, because the past isn't past and sometimes it's not even gone. Given that, I thought maybe I should write a little bit about some things from my past that have resurfaced throughout my life, mostly related to some books I've read, and attempt to untangle my thoughts about them in an effort to get them out of my head and into the world where they won't be haunting me and waking me up from a deep sleep anytime soon. With that in mind, here is my set of rambling thoughts about Ray Garton's story "Monsters."

"In the end, they always win."

Boy did this sentence piss me off. So much so that, when I was 14 years old and I read a novella that ended with this depressing sentence , I immediately wrote a seven page response on why I didn't agree with this sentence and why I believed the details of the novel itself didn't necessarily agree with this conusion. If those weren't the acts of a future literature major, I don't know. It's kind of amusing to me now, that before I was ever assigned to write a response to a story and give citations from the text that supported my view, I chose to do so on my own because the story pissed me off so much. I wish I still had that spontaneous paper I wrote. I bet it's hilarious. I'm kinda glad I don't have it now though, because I bet it's also terrible.

For years afterward, long after I couldn't remember many details from that story, "Monsters" by Ray Garton, I remembered that line and how much it pissed me off. How much I wished it weren't true. Hoped it weren't true. See, I have a lot of experience with monsters in the world, and a lot of evidence that they often get away with their horrible deeds. It does seem like they win a lot of the time. More than they should. Hell, once is too much as far as I'm concerned, but no one asked me.

That was the problem back then. No one asked me. Very few people knew that I was alive. I was trapped in a home full of monstrous things, i didn't have an outlet because I didn't hardly leave the house, even to go to school. My mom paid tuition at an accredited home school so she'd have paperwork that proved I "was enrolled in school," but she didn't teach me much. I had to rely on myself when her patience wore out and turned to screams and threats, so I taught myself to read and write, and after that, books were my escape. She took me to the library, and that's where I discovered the world. I gravitated toward dark and horrible books (gee, I wonder why?) Stephen King got me through many long nights. All the pretend monsters helped me cope, but they never erased the truth.

The truth was that I was trapped. I didn't have much contact with the outside world, I didn't have formal schooling, so I didn't have much hope. What would happen to me when I grew up, if I lived that long? What kind of life would I have? The few times I pressed my mom and got any kind of response before she screamed and sent me to my room, she would vaguely say that someday she would "take me to get tested" and I would graduate high school. I don't think she really knew what was going to happen, so her answer was more of a way to make the question go away than any real solution. I felt the hollowness of that answer, and I knew there wasn't much hope there. So I threw myself into books, into fiction, drawn to the darkest stories I could find, and this story wormed its way into my consciousness by some miracle that I wouldn't even appreciate for years to come.

So I decided that I needed to read this story again if I were going to give any honest and truthful account of what it says. I mostly try to keep my past hidden under wraps so no one has to see it. Seriously, no one wants to see that bullshit, right? But sometimes it overflows, and this is one of those times, so I don't really have a choice but to delve into the depths and pray it doesn't swallow us both whole.

I've repressed so much of what this story is about that it was kind of a shock reading it again and seeing what it really said instead of what was built up in my head. It's about this guy who grew up in a deeply religious community who saw his drawing towards the darker side of life as something evil, and his connection to horror literature as something wrong. They shunned him from their community, and started calling him and harassing him as someone evil who had left the faith. They go beyond harassing him, in fact, and start torturing him, killing his pets and doing other horrific, evil things that made me question how they could call HIM the monster (which is the whole point). Even as he receives some success as a horror and thriller writer, they still see him as evil, so he decides to return to his community and teach writing at a local college as a way of bridging the gap and showing that his talent was good all along, and he was never of the devil.

I guess I don't need to tell you that things don't go as planned, and he is still seen as evil by those of his strongly religious community. The church he belongs to in the beginning is a lot like the churches I was drawn to back when i first became a Christian: very strong doctrine, strong list of rules to follow to lead you to the truth. It almost doesn't matter what label they wear, all religious sects that adhere to such strong rules are so similar as to be almost interchangeable, though they would insist this isn't true. Basically, those who agree with their doctrine and follow it will be saved. Those who deviate...well, they will suffer.

Now reading this, you'd think that if as anything, I would have absorbed the story's warning against such religious sects and have avoided them like the plague, but of course the opposite is true. I closely followed any religious sect that gave me strict rules to adhere to in order to please God. The stricter the better. I burned all my "secular books" and all my "non-Christian CDs," I followed strict rules about how I dressed and what I believed, and I waited to feel whole, because that was always what was promised: that I would find God, buried beneath all the rules and regulations. Telling me that without God I was hopeless, sick, damned, and lost was nothing new. I'd been told how bad and horrible I was all my life, so the condemnation felt familiar tome, and it offered me a way out: follow God, follow this strict set of rules, and your sick, evil self will be washed away and you'll be accepted into the family of God!

In hindsight, it definitely should have rung my alarm bells that the trap I was falling into was the same one that the lead character of this story fought so hard against. I read this story when I was fourteen, maybe fifteen, and I became a fire-and-brimstone Christian when I was sixteen, so I wasn't very far removed from the dangers this story should have warned me against. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. I missed a LOT of the points behind this story, and that hit me pretty hard when I read it again, just how much I'd missed. The story goes on to show that when our main character was still trapped in his uber-religious community, he was suppressing his talent and the things he truly loved, like writing about dark things, and the more he pushes his true self down, the more that true self stays under the surface, growing darker by the minute, and the more that he tries to hide it for fear that it's evil, the more evil it becomes. As one of the characters in the story says, the more you call a man a monster, the more he starts to become one.

So pretty much yeah, I missed that whole entire point, and somehow in my mind the story became about a guy who could never have sex, because then he would turn evil (um, no, given some of what happens I can see why that stuck in my head, but that's still NOT what the story says, you weirdo, WTF) and I just remembered that, and the "in the end they always win," line, and I stayed eternally pissed off about it. Ok, not ETERNALLY, but I've been pissed about this story for YEARS. I hold grudges like Japanese horror movies, yo. Because like I said, I'm deeply invested in the idea that they DO NOT always win, dammit. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes the bad and evil and sick and depraved get called the good and the right and the true, and sometimes, no matter how hard you fight against them, you lose. But not always.

Not.

Always.

Let's face it, if "they" always win in the end, then there's nothing we can do, and we might as well give up. I've felt that, down to my bones and marrow and into the deepest parts of my being. I've been through things, some things I'm going to be writing about in later posts, that have stripped me bare of anything that looked like hope. It's dark, and it's cold, and it's scary. But the thing is...I'm still here. I'm NOT dead, I'm still alive, and because I didn't give up, I get to laugh with my friends and cuddle with my cat and sing beautiful hymns in church and watch horror movies and appreciate the good things they give me because I know I'm NOT evil and sick and dirty and damned and any and all things I might have believed that made me want to give up because there was no hope.

I don't use this word very often, because I think it gets overused, but the idea that "in the end they always win" offends me. It offends me like nothing else, because what's the point, then? Why bother living and loving and trying, why bother even writing a stupid story to tell everyone that they always win, because they'll still always win anyway, so there's no point? ARGH, it makes me angry. It makes me angry because writing, for me, has always been a way to ensure that "they" DIDN'T win, in the end. That "they" won't have the last word, that they can say whatever they want and spread their lies, but I know the truth, and someday, others will know, too. Because I wrote it down. And I wrote it down in the hopes that someday, it will be read. Someone will find it, and read it, and know the truth. And that's a reason to keep going. Someday someone will know the truth.

See, as angry and offended as I was by this story, even in my wrong, twisted memories of what it was about, even when pissed off teenage me wrote several pissy pages about how wrong the story was, it hit me, the story did. It hit me and lodged in my brain and moved me to write a long, possibly hilarious, ranty letter, and it stayed in my head and in my heart all those years, even when I was wrong about what it was trying to say, it still prompted me to fight back, to try to keep THEM from winning. Even all those years when I couldn't find a light, I still tried to fight the darkness, because a tiny piece of a horror story about monsters lodged in my brain and made me want to try to keep the monsters from winning. That's why, even when I was still pissed at what I thought the story was about, even before I re-read it and got my shiny new perspective, I was still grateful to Ray Garton and his story "Monsters," because it was one of the stories that shaped my life and inspired me to keep fighting. I wouldn't be here today without that grace, that strength, that never let me give up, and as messed up as it may seem to some, God used this story to nudge me in the right direction, to give me that strength. And I'm grateful for that.

One of my favorite shows is "Criminal Minds." It's traumatizing and it usually makes me cry, but it allows me to let out some of my fear and anger at the evil things that have happened, to me and to others, and the evil things that are still happening now. In the season six premiere episode, one of the FBI agents in the show, Jennifer, got onto the radio and gave this message to a killer, hoping he would free his hostage, a little girl named Ellie. What she says here about monsters really resonated with me, so I'd like to end this entry by quoting her speech:

"I don't know for sure that you can hear me, but my name is Jennifer Jareau. I work for the FBI as a communications Liaison for the behavioral...look, mister Flyyn, I wanna talk with you about letting Ellie Spicer go. I mean, I wanna ask you to. See, I am not a hostage negotiator. I've never done anything like this at all, ever, but sometimes circumstances...it's...look, you can tell I'm not a hostage negotiator, but I am a mother, and I know what your mother did to you when you were little. What she was. What she made you watch. What she let men do to you. And it makes me so...it's just...not fair. And no one can make that better.

"I wish I could. If I could somehow go back there and make what was happening to you stop...if I could just pick you up and tell you that it will all be ok, that's what moms are supposed to do. They're not supposed to be the cause of your pain, they're supposed to make it go away. They're supposed to hold you and tell you everything is gonna be alright. They're supposed to tell you that thunder is angels bowling, and that it's ok to be afraid of the dark, and that it's not silly to think that there might be monsters in your closet, and that it's ok if you wanna climb in bed with them for just this once 'cause it's scary in your room alone. They're supposed to say it's ok to be afraid...not be the thing that you're afraid of. But most importantly, they're supposed to love you no matter what. What happened to you isn't fair, and it's not right, but...I'm supposed to empathize with you. Sympathize. Understand. But I can't. That would be a lie. The truth is I don't understand what you've done. I don't sympathize with you killing people all these years, and I especially don't understand you taking Ellie. What I can do is tell you what a mother should tell you. That you can't take away your pain by hurting someone else. That it doesn't make all the nights you went to bed scared and alone any better if you scare someone else the way you're scaring Ellie."

"What happened to you isn't fair, but what you're doing to her isn't fair either, and if anyone should understand what that feels like, it's you. You have the power. You can do what you wanna do. But for once, you can choose to use that power to do for Ellie what should have been done for you. You can choose letting her go. You can choose teaching her that yes, there are monsters and it's ok to be afraid of them, but it's not ok to let them win. And it's not ok to be one."

Like I said, sometimes, no matter what you do, the monsters win. But it's not ok to let them win. And it's not ok to be one.

Interview with Internationally Known Indie Author Jan Miklaszewicz!

Hello faithful readers! Today we have a special treat for you! Internatianally known indie author Jan Miklaszewicz has so graciously agreed to answer some of your questions! You may know Jan Miklaszewicz from his poetry or his short-story collections, which are available on Amazon here:

https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B094H49GVZ

Jan gave some very thoughtful answers to our sometimes weird and random questions, and I hope you'll check out his answers here and then check out his books and give them a read!

What inspired you to write your short stories?

Years ago I wanted to write novels and heard that short stories were a good way to practise. Turns out I really enjoyed writing them. The book ‘Exterminator’ by William Burroughs was a good inspiration, too, as it has some really odd stories written in quite a simple style.

Do you think Queer people are going to hell?

I don’t know if queer people are going to hell or not, but I certainly hope they won’t.

(For what it’s worth, I don’t think we really understand what hell even is.)

As for hell, I'm a Christian, so it's not a wild idea to me. I am, however, not an evangelical Christian with all the big opinions that brings. Foremost a believer in Christ and the resurrection. The rest, I'm still working out.

Do you have any regrets? If so, what and why?

I don't have any regrets as I'm in a good place and wouldn't be here without all those wrong turns I took.

Why did you decide to go to the lighter side and be less dark after Forty Four and Istangrade?

A reviewer noted that 'Forty Four' was a bit devoid of hope, which really made me think. And looking then at 'Istangrade', I decided I was getting myself in a rut. We can choose to some extent what we focus on, so I made a point in 'Mutton Dressed as Poetry' of looking at the brighter side a little more.

How do you really feel about the aging process?

I don't worry too much about ageing, although it is a bit rough physically (knees, finger joints, eyesight). The pay-off, being a bit more world wise, is more than worth it.

What do you feel for the 3 legged gecko as it is dismantled?

As for the poor old gecko, it's such a common sight that I'm desensitised to it now. Cats have that seemingly cruel side to them, that's for sure.

What's your favorite horror movie?

Horror movie: Ju-On (the original Grudge) - amazing build up of tension.

Have Horror movies influenced you in any way in your life or your writing?

I don't really think horror movies have influenced my writing, because I seldom watch them (although I did read some horror in my teens - most of the James Herbert novels).

Most of my inspiration just comes from asking 'what if?' or observing the way the world actually works from my own perspective.

As a Christian, do you think horror movies are evil?

I don't think horror movies are evil per se, but I do think being obsessed with them (or anything, for that matter) is unhealthy.

Some of the stories in "In The Hole" seem to have been influenced by horror, or maybe that's just me reading into them, lol. But what inspired you to write these stories?

Back to inspiration for 'In the Hole', one of the stories is definitely horror inspired. That's 'Headman', which is my way of complaining that horror movies don't do enough to explain where the evil comes from. It's so arbitrary. That's why I have the character randomly become possessed without explaining it.

What keeps you going when you want to quit?

Experience stops me from quitting. I've managed to overcome (or get around) most problems in my life, so why should the next problem be any different?

What's your favorite movie of any genre?

My favourite movie? Also too hard to say, though 'Five Easy Pieces' and 'At Eternity's Gate' are definitely up there.

What's your favorite book?

My favourite book? Too hard to say, but one that I have read several times is 'Darkmans' by Nicola Barker. Dark and funny.

Interview with Internationally Known Author James McDonald

James McDonald has written the book, "What's the Worst that Can Happen?" And he so graciously agreed to answer your questions in the interview below! This is fascinating stuff, tolks! I hope you enjoy this interview and then stop by Amazon and buy his book!

https://a.co/d/3ihy0C2

Hello there! My blog readers are excited to hear from you! Horror movies helped me survive my childhood trauma (and still help me cope today!) Do you have a favorite horror movie? What was the biggest thing that helped you survive your childhood trauma? If you could go back and change your past, would you? Why or why not?

Thank you Eileen. I’m looking forward to answering these interesting questions. Indeed, they have got me thinking about a lot that has happened to me in life and in a good way.

I find it interesting that you turned to horror movies to help you to deal with trauma. I was the opposite – I was a very frightened child even though those in the other side of life, spirit, were very active around me. I, of course, didn’t realise that they were spirits or ghosts, as some people refer to them, back then.

My favourite horror movie was The Exorcist (1973) which I found very frightening due to, in my opinion, it being the first horror movie that I watched which I found scarier than what we had been used to previous to then. It also got me to thinking about the other side of life.

I survived my childhood by using fantasy. The upside was that it helped me through it and the downside was that I carried on into my adulthood with these habits. As a 4-year-old I would play with small teaspoons that my mother was given as a gift, probably for her wedding. Simple spoons but at the handle end they were shaped into characters that I imagined were soldiers and that one day those soldiers were going to come and rescue me. Having seen similar spoons today I now realise that they weren’t soldiers but probably St. Christophers. The issues that I brought with me into my early adulthood were what I had devised as a youngster when something traumatic happened to me. I would pretend that nothing had happened and get on with my life. The abuse came from my father and I became aware very quickly that my mother was unable to help me even although she tried her best.

What would I change from my past? That’s a question that I have thought of many times in my life. I would change nothing because I am now at a peaceful stage in my life where I have accepted what happened to me and everything has taught me something that I have been able to move forward with in life. I am retired from working now but during the latter part of my career I was working with children and was able to pass on my knowledge and experience to help others. I was able to help many people through the mental health issues brought about by covid and the subsequent lockdowns and have carried on with that work today. Had I not gone through what I did as a child I wouldn’t have written my book or gone on to become a professional counsellor especially with children.

What's your favorite movie?

My favourite movie of all time is The Life Of Brian (1979) by the Monty Python team. I have lost count of the amount of times I have watched this but I still laugh! I even laugh in anticipation of what I know is coming next. Why is this my favourite? Laughter! I love laughing.

How did you go about publishing your book?

This was a very difficult process for me and for several reasons. It was great to be writing as I was enjoying doing so but low self-esteem kicked in when I was advised (by spirit) to start sending it out to potential publishers. What if they didn’t like it? Crazy, I know, but true. I hadn’t thought about others reading my book. But it was simply another lesson to be learned. I sent it out to over eighty publishers and literary agents and of the feedback I received, most of it was positive. Back then most of the submissions were in hard copy as submission by email was in its infancy. I was changing career back then from engineering to counselling and as I began my studies at college and university I gradually shelved the book idea to learn and qualify as a counsellor. I studied psychology along with counselling and it was awesome. At the beginning of lockdown I was encouraged by spirit to submit my work again by bringing what I had written up to date. After a few weeks I was advised, again by spirit, to stop sending out submissions. I received two offers with another couple of places interested in my work. So from the initial idea to publication actually took fifteen years! I had, however, spent many of those years learning and practising counselling along with play and art therapy to work with children.

What's your favorite book?

This is actually a very difficult question for me as I have enjoyed so many books from diverse authors and especially those from Indie authors. There is truly some great talent out there. As a child when I learned how to read I would go to my local library and my favourite author then was Enid Blyton especially The famous Five and Secret Seven series of books. Looking back, I think that these books fitted in with my “fantasy” life. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has had a great effect on me but I loved Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell as well as Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.

If you could have a movie made out of your life story, who should play you and why?

I don’t know of many child actors today who could play childhood me but certainly one with a great imagination! I admire Dustin Hoffman who is multi-talented and I’m sure he could adapt to the many different roles that I have “played” during my life. I could never settle down but tried so many different things during my life. In reality, I was searching for something but that something eluded me until the day I realised that it was actually within me. I was searching for peace and contentment and didn’t realise it. Definitely Hoffman for me.

Michelle wants to know what motivates you to write? What do you think about when you're writing?

Thank you Michelle. When I wrote “What’s The Worst That Can Happen?” it wasn’t my idea! During my forties when spirit came through to me one of the first seeds that they planted in my head was that one day I was going to write a book. That was an exciting time in my life as you might imagine and so there was a lot going on for me. Every now and again I would be reminded by spirit that the book idea was a good thing. When it came to putting pen to paper, that’s what I did in the early days, I was surprised what came to me and it all came naturally. After writing about three chapters I became aware that the spirit who was guiding me was my former English teacher from High School. That was all good motivation.

I no longer use pen and paper and can type straight onto my laptop or even my phone. For a while I was writing blogs which I enjoyed doing but haven’t been writing for a while. I’m currently promoting my book and, if there is a demand, I have a few ideas that I’d like to write about as a follow up.

When writing I try and think about the facts and stick to them but I often wander off in my head and write about things I never thought about. I have got into the habit though of keeping everything that I have written. If I think anything is irrelevant then I can edit it out at the end. Many of the ideas that I get come to me when I’m not writing. I keep a notebook with me and beside my bed to jot down ideas.

What gives you motivation to write new books? What has helped you overcome trauma? How do you stay focused while writing?

My motivation comes from my life experiences and how I can share those experiences with other people. Indeed, many people give me ideas as they speak with me and I often feel that there might be something that I can write about that might help many people. A police officer who works with adult survivors of child abuse uses my book to help other victims to have the strength and courage to come forward and testify against their abusers. That is very motivational to me.

Staying focussed isn’t always easy! I find that going for walks helps if I’m trying too hard and not getting anywhere. Once I start writing then everything seems to fall into place for me and I am fortunate enough to be able to sit for long periods of time. If I have a particular project to work on then that often helps me to remain focussed.

Overcoming trauma has been, and will be, a lifelong task for me. I am very fortunate though because I am able to pick up guidance from the other side of life. These are our lives and spirit can only help us with so much but I am grateful for the know-how I have been given. For me the issues arising from my experiences of an abusive childhood are still there within me. I have learned many techniques that I have practiced and used throughout my life with the results being that today I can deal with those issues better than I did a year ago and a year from now I will be able to deal with them much better than I can today. That’s how I evolve. I began by reading books about self-help for mental health issues and learned about myself during that journey. Some methods I would find excellent while others were not for me. As time went by I was able to adapt different methods to suit myself with some success. Today there are many different self-help techniques available to us all due to communication via the internet. What I have discovered through time is that when I deal with an issue another one appears! I compare life to school in that when we learn something then we step up a level to learn more about ourselves. I’ve always been aware that we don’t simply tick the boxes and move on; life isn’t like that. We learn and then we learn some more. I don’t see a future where I will stop learning especially about myself but it’s a challenge that I have become strong enough to take on.

Charles wants to know more about your spirit guides and how they've helped you throughout your life!

Thank you Charles. That’s actually a question that could lead to another book!

When spirit came through to me during my forties it was amazing to say the least. They then set about proving that they were always with me by showing me events from my childhood. Initially the only spirits that I saw were those who I was related to but had passed away. This was to assure me that I was safe because one of the main issues I had in life was fear. Today I see every spirit who comes through to me as a spirit guide who is guiding me or someone with me in some way.

My life changed when spirit came through to me. I began to see life in different ways. Money became less prevalent in my life but once I had learned that particular lesson I now always seem to have enough money. The big problem that I had was learning to believe in myself. Due to my childhood I had grown up with low self-esteem and would question myself; who am I to have such an amazing gift? I learned though. I had two paths in life to be taken through; learning how to use these amazing gifts that I had but also having to remember, what turned out to be, a very abusive childhood and, of course, the baggage that came with it. Spirit walked me through those experiences.

As for our own spirit guides, I believe that I have two who are with me. Their names? I have no idea! Spirit taught me how to sense and read energies and I can now detect most spirits as an energy as opposed to a name. of course I am often given names from spirits who come through to me in order to pass that information over to whoever might be with me.